


Professor Von Genbu, Bringer of Drama

by tbat



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: College AU, F/M, other ships may sail into port but we'll see, slow-burn but they're both crushing pretty hard, the most craven and vile sort of au, zeke lives to stir up bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-07-14 23:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbat/pseuds/tbat
Summary: (College AU) Rex makes a terrible mistake and signs up for Tantal University's drama course, run by the notorious Professor Von Genbu. At least he met a nice girl in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

Picking Drama as an elective course, Rex had to admit, would not normally be his first choice. Or second. Or third. Look, Rex doesn't  _act._ Acting's for people who can lie, and Rex has heard a lot about lying and has considered sending off for an instructional booklet on the matter, but he's still very much an amateur. Under normal circumstances, he'd give the drama course an approving nod from the other end of a very large room, and they'd continue to happily have nothing to do with each other afterwards. Rex's degree was in Archaelogy, and you didn't have to lie to bits of rock very often, unless you suspected they were going to come to life and start posing riddles at you before they granted access to the Great King's Tomb/Holiday Villa.

Well, he'd reasoned to himself, "drama" meant performing arts, and performing arts meant  _theaters,_ and you never knew when you were going to be poking around an ancient theater, right? Maybe he'd find some old manuscripts or something and he'd know at a glance if he'd just unearthed a hitherto-lost masterpiece of the stage,  _then_ his drama course'd come in handy.

Rex was dimly aware of the real reason, petty as it was. It was quite simple, really.

Double credits.

Inexplicably, Tantal University's drama course offered double credits for precisely the same number of classes, the same amount of coursework, and, curiously, considerably less reading material than any other course. What was he gonna do,  _not_ take the opportunity to coast through the semester with one less class? The two hour lunch breaks beckoned him, singing sweetly of all the extra chocolate bars he could sneak. Who'd turn down a bizarre adminstrative oversight like this? It was  _irresistable._

Which is why Rex couldn't help feeling a small shiver of cold dread when he'd handed his application forms in, the woman at the desk had flicked over to his course choices, and then proceeded to give him the kind of look normally reserved for a convict on death row. Pity, with a hint of resigned "well, you kind of brought this on yourself" dismissal of his plight.

That didn't seem right. At worst it should've been a "yeah, I see you, you lazy arse" glare at the latest student to bag themselves an early finish on Fridays, not  _that._

Maybe she just didn't think acting was a lucrative career and was imagining Rex's future as a starving artist. Yeah, sure. Go with that.

_Why that face, though?_

It had haunted Rex ever since he'd turned his application in, and no amount of mental exorcism seemed to cleanse him of the lingering, frustatingly vague  _concern._ Not fear. Fear would be like if he walked past the lecture hall and a small pool of blood spilt out from under the door to say hello. This was just weirding him out

Rex had asked around afterwards, tracking down as many students as he could, and very few of their answers gave him much reassurance. He'd concentrated on second-year and above students initially, since they might've already taken the class themselves. Most of them had laughed ominously when he'd told them he was taking drama, patting him on the shoulder and saying "good luck" in a sinister tone.

Those who had already experienced all the delights of Tantal University's drama course also patted him on the shoulder, this time with a vice grip, and once again said "good luck," with desperation etched on their face. When Rex tried to ask any of these people  _why_ he needed Lady Luck to give him a quick thumbs-up from the heavens, he generally got a variant of "oh,  _you'll see."_ He found this unhelpful.

Any fellow drama students shrugged and told him they'd gotten the same reactions. Nobody really knew what the problem was, but everyone knew there apparently  _was_ a problem.

Rex found this...hard to believe. He was sure it was  _fine,_ really. It's just a university course, after all. He just couldn't help but wonder why everyone around him clearly  _didn't_ regard it as fine.

At last, the day had come, though. Ten in the morning, the first Monday of the semester. Whatever lurked behind this plain, grey door in this plain, grey hallway, he was about to face it. He noticed a small sign that had been hastily cellotaped to the center of the door, reading "Drama! Starring Professor Von Genbu," the words surrounded by purple lightning bolts. Underneath, there was a small drawing of a turtle in what Rex assumed was meant to be a king's costume, a speech bubble saying "come on in!" scribbled next to its open mouth.

It was actually a pretty good turtle. Rex didn't know if that made him feel better or worse.

He opened the door, half-expecting to be greeted by a lecturer wearing a turtle shell. Getting a half-empty but otherwise relatively normal lecture hall was almost disappointing to him. A brief glance past the dozen-or-so rows of seats in front of him, towards the front of the hall, revealed there wasn't anybody on-stage just yet.

And it was, in fact, a stage. Which, Rex supposed, made sense for a drama course. It was elevated a little higher than the rest of the floor, with two large, red curtains haphazardly hung on either side, the railing supporting them bending miserably under a weight it was clearly ill-equipped to deal with. There were even a few stage lights, positioned just above the whiteboard. The fact that there was a whiteboard at all was actually the most off-putting part. It rather spoilt the theater ambience the professor had clearly worked so hard to try and build.

So, unusual, but understandable given the context. Rex still wasn't seeing the problem, really.

Lost in thought as he tried to figure out what the problem actually  _was_ , he took a seat at the end of an aisle a few rows down, pretty much entirely on auto-pilot. As he sat down, he heard an irritable voice to his right.

"Seriously, dude? Whole row in front of us is empty and you sit next to us anyway? Weirdo."

Oh. She seems pretty mad. Whoops.

A gentler voice, closer to him yet a little quieter, came afterwards.

"Mythra! Don't be so rude!"

Oh.  _She_ seems a lot less mad. That's comforting, at least. Still, that other girl didn't exactly seem pleased, and Rex really preferred to just get along with people. Probably best to excuse himself and hop to the next row before she gets any worse. He began to slide out of his chair, already angling himself to leap forward and away from  _the angry one_ at top speed.

"Sorry, sorry! I, uh...wasn't really paying attention, I'll just-" he began, the majority of the overlong apology he had planned left unused as he felt a hand tug at the sleeve of his blue hoodie.

"No, no, it's fine, you can stay here. Don't mind Mythra, she's just a little, um...prickly. With new people, I mean," said the gentler voice, closely followed by a grunt of annoyance.

Rex turned to look at the girl grabbing onto his clothes and made a very concentrated effort not to immediately start hyperventilating at her. His entire body shuddered to a halt in the process, but he considered that a pretty good deal.

She was...well, a lot of words. Rex really,  _really_ wanted to think of her as "beautiful," but was worried that might be a bit strong for someone whose name he doesn't know and who appeared to have Hatred Herself looming behind her as a bodyguard. Simmer it down, settle for a nice, neutral "pretty," maybe a "cute" if he was feeling particularly daring about this, just  _don't start off on "beautiful."_

She  _kinda was, though._ Short, bright red hair, fluffy and soft-looking like someone had decided that what the world really needed was a sheep whose wool could let it double as a mobile stop sign. Her eyes were a warm crimson, gazing at him with a sincerely apologetic look that belied her kind, caring nature, like he was in front of a gently burning fireplace oh God he was really letting himself get carried away with this wasn't he, okay,  _stop_ looking at her eyes. The eyes were  _danger,_ move  _downwards._

This did not improve matters for Rex, as he found his eyes strolling past her unhelpfully glossy, soft lips, curving upwards in a small, inviting smile, as if shegenuinely wanted him to stay and wasn't just trying to be polite about it. This wasso unfair. She wasn't even smiling  _that_ much, it was, like, a quarter of the way towards a grin, at best, and he still felt like she'd quietly hired a ghost to wrap an incorporeal hand around his heart and give it a good, hard squeeze.

Her clothes, those can't make things worse,  _right,_  he thought, his mind already constructing several elaborate poems about how her thick, light-red sweater only enhanced the aura of incredible  _warmth_ and kindness radiating from every essence of her being  _seriously though how is she this perfect._

Happily for what little dignity Rex could still salvage, he had managed to process all of these very intense emotions within about half a second of gawking at her, so he hadn't just been staring in awe-struck silence for a full minute. Unhappily for Rex, it had disabled most of his higher brain functions, reducing his thought process to "girl pretty" and not much else.

He gave speech an ill-fated go.

"T-thanks," he squeaked out, beginning to lower himself onto the seat with slow, deliberate motions as he tried to remember what "sitting down" was like. The girl's smile widened a little. He promptly forgot how to properly sit down again, flopping backwards into his seat with a dull thud. Good enough, under the circumstances. His extremely pleasant tormentor scootched a little closer.

"My name's Pyra. What's yours?"

"I-it's, uh...Rex," he mumbled. He felt this was perhaps a bit limp, as far as replies went, and bolted on a "It's nice to meet you," to keep things flowing.

"Nice to meet you, too, Rex. Oh, this is Mythra, by the way. She's my sister," Pyra said, gesturing towards her scowling, blonde sibling. Twins, Rex guessed. Mythra basically looked like a long-haired Pyra if she was permanently stepping on Lego and sitting on tacks, which thankfully let him skip past most of the "oh god she's  _angelic_ " panic attack. Mythra was pretty in the same way that tigers were. Only from a distance, where you probably won't get eviserated.

Mythra squinted at him and gave him a half-hearted wave, probably as a concession to her sister. He noticed the coffee cup tightly clutched in her other hand. This explained far too much.

"Like I said, don't mind her," Pyra continued, "She might seem kind of...rude. Sorry, Mythra," she said, glancing over her shoulder. Mythra shrugged with dismissive acceptance. "But she's really nice when you get to know her!"

"Not before noon I'm not," Mythra interrupted, taking a long swig of her coffee. Pyra laughed nervously, turning back towards Rex.

"Trust me, she is."

"...If you say so," he replied. He believed her, really. Pyra didn't seem like a particularly good liar, and she was obviously just trying to damage control her sister's thunderingly poor first impression. It was just a little hard to envision Mythra as  _nice_ in her current state. He figured dwelling on this was probably a bad idea, though, especially when they actually seemed to be having a half-decent conversation so far.

"So, uh...what're you studying?" he asked, clutching onto the easiest piece of student small talk possible.

"Culinary arts. I want to open a bakery. It's, um...kind of a dream of mine," Pyra said with a self-conscious grin.

"Oh, wow! Can I try your food sometime?" Rex asked, a matching grin forming on his lips. Pyra giggled, her face reddening at his enthusiasm.

"Of course! I need someone other than Mythra to taste-test for me anyway. All she ever says is 'it's good,' and then she asks for more."

"Hey, if I ask for more it means you're doing a good job, right? The hell else am I supposed to say?" Mythra said, tossing a glare at her sister.

"W-well, you could be a little more descriptive! Tell me  _why_ it's good!" Pyra protested, shifting in her seat to face Mythra.

"I don't know  _why_ they're good! I don't study this shit! That's your field!"

"M-Mythra, don't swear in the lecture halls..." Pyra said, flinching slightly as if Mythra's Very Disrespectful Profanity had actually hurt her ears.

"C'mon, who gives a shit?"

"Well,  _I_ do...Besides, you shouldn't say things like that in front of someone we just met. It's...rude."

"I'm sure he'll cope. Right?" Mythra said, leaning to the side to look at Rex.

"Uh...yeah, I don't really mind," he replied, making a mental note to cordon off the cruder segments of his vocabulary around Pyra.

"Well...alright then," Pyra conceded, clearly not happy that Mythra now had a free pass to publically potty-mouth all she wanted. "A-anyway...what do  _you_ study, Rex?"

"I'm doing archaelogy. Y'know, studying ruins, digging up historical stuff."

"Oh, that's really interesting!" Pyra said, eyes lighting up, then widening as an idea popped into her head, "Oh! You said you wanted to try my cooking, right?"

"Yep. I'd love to," Rex said eagerly. He was pretty curious about her cooking now. Mythra seemed like she either had high standards or went around pretending she had high standards to give other people a hard time. If  _she_ was always saying Pyra's food was good, it was probably  _amazing._ He had to know. Besides, spending more time with Pyra seemed...nice.

"Well, what if we meet up during lunches? I can bring some of my cooking, and you could...well, I suppose you can't bring anything with you, can you? But we could talk about what you're researching!" Pyra beamed with enthusiasm at Rex, "It'd be kind of like a degree swap! What do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds like fun!" Rex said automatically, before he could properly register that Pyra Was Asking Him To Hang Out With Her and have a minor meltdown. Not that he was going to refuse. It  _did_  sound like fun. Just sharing food and talking with Pyra seemed  _pretty great,_ judging from what he'd seen of her so far.

Pyra clapped her hands together.

"Great! We can start tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, sure!" Rex said, beaming back at her. Her expressions were oddly  _infectious._ He couldn't help smiling back at her.

Honestly, now that he was properly  _talking_ to Pyra, he was starting to feel far more relaxed, the initial shock of witnessing Perfection Incarnate giving way to the realization that she was...actually just kind of sweet and goofy. Which was  _better_  in a way. He could quite happily see himself spending time with her, like they'd just agreed to.

They seemed to get along pretty well, really, like they were feeding off of each other's enthusiasm. Rex felt like they could end up being pretty good friends. That was  _friends,_ he told himself, the infatuation slowly swelling inside him firmly instructed to go sit in the corner of his mind, where it wouldn't bother him.

It was absolutely going to bother him. It was going to constantly toss crumpled-up pieces of paper that said "man, she's  _so nice_ " at him at every possible moment. He was going to ignore it regardless.

Somewhere amongst his current hyperfixating on Pyra, however, a new thought crept into his head. They'd been talking this whole time without interruption. They really  _should_ have been interrupted by now.

"Say...where's the lecturer, anyway? I think the class was meant to start, like, ten minutes ago," Rex said.

"Hm...you're right, actually. I've not seen anyone," she agreed, before shifting back towards Mythra, "Did you see anything?"

"I saw some rustling behind that curtain," Mythra said, barely lifting her hand off her desk as she lazily pointed towards the left-hand side of the stage, "But nobody's come out yet. Dunno what that's about."

"Maybe we should go ask someone," Pyra said, watching the curtain intently.

Out of nowhere, the lights above them dimmed, eliciting a small yelp of surprise from her. Just as the lights dimmed and reached pitch blackness, a loud, exaggerated laugh rang out across the room. It did not bear much resemblance to a normal laugh. Rather, it was clearly being delivered by a man who had spent a lot of time thinking about how best to use his laughs to make as cool and mysterious an entrance as possible, every "HA" stressed to breaking point to maximize the impact.

The spotlights perched precariously above the stage lit up, angled towards the left.

" _My apologies,_ everyone! Had a spot of trouble getting the lighting set up, and, well, that just wouldn't do, would it?  _HOWEVER:_ I! AM!  _HERE!"_ bellowed the unknown voice. And "bellowed" was definetely the word.

As far as Rex knew, most lecturers used microphones to compensate for the size of the rooms they typically taught in. Whoever this was clearly needed no technological enhancement to his iron vocal chords. He was doing this  _au naturale_.

A figure emerged from behind the curtains, arms spread wide as though he were waiting for some applause to bask in. He was...oh God, what  _was_ he? A tall, muscular man with messy gray hair.

That...should've been all Rex had to notice about him. Unusually buff for a university professor, maybe, but, hey, maybe he grades papers with one hand and lifts weights with the other, totally plausible. He  _should_ just be another middle-aged guy in a sweater and some jeans, like most of the male professors he'd caught glimpses of here, even if he was a little on the younger side. Mid-twenties, probably.

Why was he wearing that trenchcoat, then. That's not what professors wear. They do not come out in front of their class in a giant black trenchcoat that's opened as wide as it can  _specifically around their chest_ to show off their acres of finely toned muscle. They are not supposed to have  _far_ too many belts tied around their waist, with a few more curled round their  _arms_  for some utterly baffling reason. Oh God, fingerless gloves, too. Sure. Why not. May as well.

And then there was the eyepatch. It was possible that he really did only have one eye. Some instinct inside Rex told him that this man, without a doubt, had both of his eyes. There was no way he didn't. Nobody who walked out like that as if he's expecting bouquets of roses to come sailing his way any minute was wearing an eyepatch for legitimate medical purposes.

The fashion apocalypse strutting around in front of Rex continued his speech.

"My fresh-faced new proteges, allow me to introduce myself! I am Professor Zeke Von Genbu, Bringer of Knowledge and certified Drama Lord! For the rest of this semester, I'll be your guide through the marvelous world of  _the performing arts!_ But let me warn you, chaps: art is, and always has been, humanity's mirror to the soul- we face our demons, we envision our angels, we...sometimes become our demons, depending on the story! As such, this course will push you to the very  _limits_ of human emotion, as we explore the depths of  _true art!_ Your lives will be changed forever once Zeke Von Genbu is through with you!"

Somewhere under the din of the neverending introduction, Rex heard a chorus of confused murmuring around him, alongside occassional muffled snickers. A quick peek to his side revealed that Mythra had dispensed with any subtlety and was openly howling with laughter, tears streaming down her face. Rude, but not a wholly unreasonable response.

Pyra, on the other hand, simply watched in captivated silence, a pen fiddling and twirling in one hand while the other tightly clutched a notebook. Where Mythra, and most of the class, were seeing a bizarre man in a trenchcoat ham his way through five acts of thrilling soliloquy on the nature of Drama Itself, Pyra was seeing pearls of wisdom freely dropping out of his pockets with every new proclaimation. She was completely taken in by...whatever it was he was doing.

Whatever it was he was  _continuing_ to do, relentlessly ploughing ahead with his monologue.

"But enough idle chatter, my friends- it is time...to  _learn!"_

Rex was very sure this was a lie. Zeke immediately proved him right, continuing to speak even as he walked towards the back of the stage.

"Now, Zeke Von Genbu has always been a great believer in learning by doing..."

His hand reached out behind the left curtain and the lights were gradually adjusted back to their original, Pre-Zeke brightness.

"...And I've  _also_ always taken great stock in the old saying, 'all the world's a stage.' And it just so happens I'm standing on one as we speak!" he concluded, stamping his foot on the wooden floor beneath him, just in case nobody had figured out it was a stage yet.

Dread crept up beside Rex and asked if it could sit next to him for a bit. This did not bode well.

"So, for our first lesson, why don't we have a little  _crash course,_  chaps? Let's see those acting chops in action!"

Yep. There it was. As those dark words were spoken, the chatter and ever-present chortling ceased in an instant. Laughing in the face of death would take a braver lot than this class.

"Now, don't think I'm going to ask for volunteers, everyone! Oh, no, no, the Zekenator's far too sly a dog for that! I'll be picking you out  _personally,_ let's say...two at a time. See if you can get a bit of chemistry going, eh?" Zeke threatened, eye already scanning the room for his first two victims.

Rex took another look to his right. Mythra had lowered herself further down into her seat with the miserable expression and hunched shoulders of a woman who was currently wishing she could nail herself to her chair. Pyra had the excitable smile of a small child watching a play that's just reached the bit where they ask for audience participation, but who has not yet realized _they_ are part of that audience.

As much as Pyra's earnest interest was kind of cute  _come on dude don't start down this road again,_ Rex had to agree with Mythra. This was...mortifying.

But, there were, like, fifty people in this room. The odds of him getting picked were pretty low. Even if Zeke's fickle finger of death- which he was currently waving from group to group like he was a roulette wheel- landed on them, he might just make Pyra and Mythra go up together. Rex had a really good chance of getting out of this. Or, at least, of not having to go first. He'd be  _fine._

"How about  _you two!?"_

"H-huh? U-us?!" squeaked Pyra.

"H-huh? U-us?!" squeaked Rex.

"Oh my God, never do that again," Mythra muttered, her pleas unheard as they both babbled out excuses not to come up.

"Yes, yes, you two! My Eye can tell...you are  _destined partners!_ On the stage, and in life! Now, come forth, and show us what you've got, chums!"

In that moment, Rex understood everything. Every look of sympathy. Every "good luck" uttered with the utmost sincerity. Every empty seat in the hall, telltale signs of a low attendence rate.

This class was not a blessing to his schedule. It was a curse.

Oh God, what had he done?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lesson unfolds. Rex and Pyra have a terrible time.

Why.

Rex had a lot of questions about what was going on, and just about every single one of them began with the word "why," with varying levels of utter despair.

Why was his professor dressed like he was from some weird anime game?

Why does said professor's volume spectrum start at "yell," end at "bellow," and  _then_ have to get paired up with an insatiable lust for the sound of his own voice?

Why was he being dragged on-stage in front of  _dozens_ of perfect strangers?

And  _why_ , no, really,  _WHY,_ if Rex's dignity was about to get ritualistically sacrificed on the altar of Zeke Von Genbu, Dark Lord of Humiliation, did it have to be in front of Pyra? He  _liked_ Pyra. As far as he could tell, she liked him too, or at least knew how to keep her contempt under wraps, unlike Mythra.

Was it really necessary to let him meet a very nice new friend, yep, still  _friend,_ and then within minutes force him to  _utterly_ embarass himself in front of her? Was it?

Well, okay, ever since they'd shuffled on to the stage, heads hung low in the vain hope that nobody would see their faces throughout this horrific ordeal, Pyra had been rather visibly nervous, too. A calm person probably doesn't tap their foot against the floor  _that_ quickly, like they're impersonating a woodpecker but forgot what part of the body you peck with. They also probably don't tug their sweater up past their chin to serve as a very cozy, very ineffectual balaclava. She might actually be taking this worse than him, somehow.

Well, at least if Rex was going to die, right here on stage, he wouldn't be dying alone. This spot would mark both their graves. A small comfort, but he'd cling to it like the dessicated, crumbling safety blanket it was.

With his mortified performers in place, their tormentor stood in front of them with a wide grin.

"Alright then, chaps, let's get started, shall we? Your names, my budding thespians?" Zeke began, pointing towards Rex.

"R-Rex," he said with the ironclad confidence of a fainting goat with anxiety issues. Zeke nodded, his finger swerving towards Pyra.

"M-my name is...um...Pyra," came her slightly muffled reply, her sweater still enjoying steady work as a makeshift mask.

Zeke nodded once again, striding towards the back of the stage, his every step a thunderous stomp. He had clearly been practicing a walk that would let him generate as much noise as possible, his boots landing at just the right angle on the most acoustically generous boards every single time. Zeke was a man who lived and breathed performance, even if he'd suffocate the rest of the room in the process.

"Well, Rex, Pyra, as our first performers of the semester, I think it's only fair I give you something that'll really help you  _shine_  on the stage. Something that truly showcases your dynamic!"

"I...don't think we have a dynamic," Rex said reluctantly.

"Yeah, we...only just met. I'm not sure we really have  _anything_ ," Pyra agreed. A moment later, a small flush of red snuck past the protective barrier of her sweater and onto her cheeks.

"N-Not that I don't...you know, think you're nice. You're nice! I think we'll be good friends! It's just...maybe not...not yet? But, um...I'd like to be?  _Then_ we'd have a dynamic o-or something, it's just, right now, we don't really know each other but I'm not saying I don't think we could have one  _I'm sorry,_ " she rambled with increasingly less coherence, her voice somehow managing to get quieter yet higher-pitched simultaneously.

"No, no, it's fine, I-I get it, we're...we're pretty much total strangers, so it'd be weird to call us anything yet! I mean, I wanna be friends, too! You're, um...you're nice, too! Really, really nice! I-it's fine, you don't need to apologize, really!" Rex said, easily matching Pyra's excruciating verbal diarrhoea.

This was just terrible. He was floundering with every new word that stumbled out of his unstoppably flapping mouth. That'd be painful enough on its own, like, oh, great, everything he said was making him look like an idiot in front of Pyra, nice, no, keep going, double down on it and really let it sink in for her how dumb he could be.

He mentally glided past the fact that Pyra seemed to be experiencing a catastrophic mental breakdown of her own right in front of him, the fifth "I'm  _sorry"_ of her cross-country run-on sentence but a faint whisper to his ears. It did not matter that Pyra was currently losing her shit. What mattered was that  _his_ was gone without a trace, with this magnificent disappearing act unfolding for an audience of total strangers he had to spend an entire  _semester_ around.

Rex attempted to trace a wafer-thin silver lining around this mess. Things were looking pretty grim, but that meant they probably wouldn't get much worse, right?

Zeke Von Genbu begged to differ. He marched back towards the duo with a proud smile, two small scripts clutched in his hands.

"Yes,  _that's_ the stuff! Right there! The raw tension! The blind, fumbling chemistry of young love! I knew I'd made the right choice, you pair of sweethearts!"

He thrust a script each into Rex and Pyra's unwilling hands, arms sliding behind them and patting them both on their shoulders. Rex stared at his script with baffled fear, as if Zeke had just slipped him a copy of his death certificate and whispered " _soon,"_  at him.

The cover read " _Love Beyond The Clouds."_ Below the title someone- almost certainly Zeke- had written [EXCERPT] in red marker pen. Underneath that, he'd felt compelled to add [THE REALLY SAUCY SCENE]. The last few pages of the copy had evidently been ripped out pretty recently, and without much care. Rex could still see some scraps of paper clinging onto the staples binding the rest of the script together.

"I had a good feeling about you two, so I've taken the liberty of handing you one of my more  _heartfelt_ scripts. It has everything a theater-goer coud ever want! Searing emotion! Love blooming on the battlefield! Partial nudity!"

He paused, his smile drooping downwards into a frown.

"Unfortunately, I'm  _apparently_ not allowed to have any nudity, partial or otherwise, in my performances, so I had to dillute the play's essence somewhat. However! The emotional core remains, ripe for the picking!"

Rex's silver-lining pen was quickly running out of ink, but he was willing to count Zeke being forced to compromise his artistic integrity as good enough. Never mind the fact that he was trying to draw a little silver circle around having to peform a  _romance script_ with  _PYRA oh my God Professor Von Genbu you are HELLSPAWN_ , at least his shirt was staying on for this.

The pressure on his shoulder was lifted as Zeke took a few steps backwards in order to give his miserable performers their space.

"Now then, my star-crossed lovers, enough dillydallying!  _Show me the magic!"_ he announced with a sharp clap of his hands before bringing one of them to rest on his chin, stroking it in faux-thought.

The pair yelped in surprise, clumsily flicking their scripts open to the first page. Rex rapidly scanned the page, trying to guess who he was even meant to be playing. Zeke had, in his excitement, neglected to give any context for the scene beyond the gentle comfort of knowing everyone's clothes were staying on today, so Rex had to just puzzle it out on his own.

The scene seemed to only have two characters, a Tantalese princess named Linnaea and an Ardainian prince named Milligan.

Rex grimaced as he skimmed the first page. They were...about to confess their love. Of course they were. Why else would Zeke hand this to them. And then stand a few feet away from them with an expectant grin.

He glanced up at Pyra. Her incandescently red face and trembling hands suggested she wasn't thrilled about her role, either. Not that he could blame her, considering he was pretty sure his face was actually on fire right now  _also_ his mouth might've stopped working, which was not going to be very conducive to reading his lines and oh God he's got the first line and Zeke is  _staring at him expectantly HELP._

He opened his mouth. There was not a trace of liquid left in it, so his voice wasn't feeling very tempted to get moving any time soon. He swallowed as hard as he could. He'd upgraded his mouth's liquid levels from "barren desert" to "single tear dramatically rolling down someone's face." Good enough.

"F-Fair Linnaea. I can...um. No longer. Hide my f-feelings for you. Anymore?" he croaked out with approximately none of the searing passion the scene demanded. A faint hum of thought came from Zeke's direction.

Pyra peeked at him from behind her script, her eyes widening as she remembered she had to actually respond to this.

"Oh, Mulligan. M-Milligan! Milligan!  _Sorry,"_ she whispered. Rex gave her a quick, forced smile of reassurance. She flashed a grateful smile of her own before making her next attempt at the line.

"Please, Milligan, speak, um...speak not these feelings. Y-you know our countries are at war. Oh, they're at war? I didn't realize...oh, sorry," she repeated.

Rex tried not to flinch at her delivery. She was murdering this. Every word was coming out pained and forced, like she was only saying them after four hours of intensive torture. But, well, he was exactly as bad, so he could only assume watching him was equally painful for her.

"I, uh...care not, Linnaea," he said in the flat monotone of someone who definetely doesn't care, "Let Tantal and Mor Ardain collapse around us. No, uh...no petty squabble could change how I feel."

"Milligan," Pyra said. This was probably supposed to be an awe-filled murmuring of her beloved's name as he confessed his innermost feelings to her. Pyra had chosen not to make the subtleties of the line apparent in her rendition.

Rex looked back at his script and saw The Next Line.

He looked up at Pyra.

He looked at The Next Line.

He looked up at Pyra.

He did not want to say The Next Line.

He was going to have to say The Next Line.

"L-Linnaea!" he squeaked at a far higher volume than intended, "My, um! My dear, sweet Linnaea! For too long have these words remained unspaken...unspoken?"

"I-it's unspaken," Pyra quietly volunteered.

"U-unspaken, then! But no more! Um! Linnaea! I love you!" Rex yelped. A second later, his brain caught up with what he had just said to Pyra and also, additionally, to how Pyra's face  _somehow_ got redder when he said it.

"Oh...Oh jeez, sorry! Sorry! I know, I know that's really weird but it's...it's the script! Sorry! Really!"

"N-no, don't worry, it's...it's fine! I understand! Um!" Pyra said, eyes focusing back onto her script in a doomed attempt to keep some kind of momentum going in the performance. Her face contorted into a terrified grimace. She had clearly just encountered Her Next Line.

"Milligan. I...um. I love you too, with all my...my heart...oh...sorry, that really  _is_ weird, isn't it? Sorry..."

"It's...yeah, it's awkward, huh?" Rex replied, giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Just a little," Pyra said with a small laugh.

"I don't believe our heroes were  _quite_ this apologetic, chaps!" Zeke intervened, "You're getting to the good stuff now! Let's not dawdle!"

"U-um, right! Sorry," Pyra mumbled before continuing.

"Oh, Milligan, how my..." she stared at her line for a moment longer, clearly wrestling with something about it.

"How my... _heart._  Burns with undying passion for you," she said carefully.

Rex checked the line. It was not Linnaea's heart that was burning with passion. This was presumably why there was partial nudity. He was just glad Zeke hadn't called her minor improvisation out.

"Linnaea, my love, how my...heart," Rex said, dimly aware they were both abusing the word "heart" a bit too much, "How my heart soars to hear those words. Come! Let our...let our words be sealed with a...a kiss. Oh. Oh, bloody hell, really?" his voice dropped to a shocked whisper as he read the next line.

Yep. There it was in the script. Those absolute arses. They just  _had_ to go and kiss each other and make Rex's life more difficult, didn't they?

He did not move towards Pyra.

Pyra did not move towards him.

Neither of them seemed keen to resolve this deadlock. Zeke groaned impatiently.

"Well, come on, lovebirds! Our man's calling for a kiss and  _By God,_ they kiss! A true professional would give this moment the gusto it deserves, without hesitation! Now get in there and make us all  _feel the love!_ " he demanded, his arms waving inwards, signalling that they should maybe consider scooting a little closer. He was very obviously enjoying how uncomfortable and awkward this atrocity of acting had been for both of them, and was just trying to squeeze that little bit of extra entertainment out of it at this point.

They begrudgingly dragged themselves towards each other, forcing themselves into what was probably just about kissing distance. The proximity caused Rex to finally note that he was... _smaller_  than Pyra. He'd been faintly aware that he'd had to look  _up_ at her for most of this, but he'd never fully registered the fact that she seemed to have a full six inches over him.

It was filling him with some mixed emotions that he was not fully equipped to deal with right now. Not when she was  _so close_ and a strange man in an eyepatch was now chanting " _KISS HER YOU FOOL"_ at him over and over again.

"Wh-what do we do?" Pyra whispered to him, "He...he really wants us to kiss. Is that allowed? Making students kiss?"

"I dunno. I...I guess he thinks it's allowed?"

What Zeke thought was allowed and what was actually allowed were most likely lists without much overlap in them, but right now they didn't have the time to run this by an authority figure who  _wasn't_ more belt than man.

"I suppose...but...I, um...don't really want to. N-No offense," she tacked on.

"No, I...it's kinda...I don't want to, either. Not, in, like, a bad way, but..." Rex grunted in frustration as his sentence drifted further and further away from his intended path.

"O-okay, look, I've got an idea. Just, um...We put our hands up next to our faces, alright?" he said, lifting his arms up. He positioned his hands at either side of her face, but made sure to place them far enough forward that they partially obscured her mouth and also, very crucilally  _were not touching her_. He really didn't need any more heart attack fuel right now.

Pyra followed suit, her hands hovering near his face. He tried not to think about that too hard. The closeness of herface was giving him enough trouble already, he didn't need her hands lending a hand.

"Like this?" she asked.

"Yeah, that'll do. Now, um...Just, follow my lead, okay? It's gonna look kinda dumb, but just...bear with it, I suppose."

Pyra nodded with grim acceptance. She already looked dumb today. Whatever Rex had planned couldn't sink her much lower.

With his face set in the determined grimace of a man who Knows What Must Be Done, Rex began smacking his lips together in an exagerrated manner, making sure that it was loud enough for Zeke to hear. He threw in a few sloshes of his tongue in an attempt to add a little extra realism.

It took Pyra a few moments to recognize what he was trying to do and contribute her own set of strange slurping sounds. Combined, their impersonation of a kiss sounded more like they'd spilt a lot of food all over each other's faces and were determined not to let any of it go to waste, rather than any actual mouth-to-mouth action. Mortifying though this was, they kept at it for a good half a minute, just to make sure Zeke wasn't going to declare their kissing was Insufficiently Passionate and demand they go back in for a second round.

At last, they broke away and set to work staring at the floor in pure embarassment. After a few moments of tense silence, Rex heard a round of slow applause coming from Zeke.

"A decent effort, chaps, very decent indeed! For your first try, anyway. A word of advice from the Zekenator though, eh? Pump up the  _passion_ a little more next time. Make the audience  _believe in your love._  Less delaying, more public displaying! Of affection, that is."

He stepped past the mentally devastated pair, raising his arms wide towards their audience.

"Nonetheless, a round of applause for our first two performers, everyone!"

Rex forced himself to look at the audience for the first time since he'd gone up there. He'd tried to forget about their presence as much as possible during his attempt at a performance.

About five people out of fifty were clapping. There was not much enthusiasm in their clapping. Several people were trying to stifle their laughter. A few had given up the pretense and were just openly cackling at his and Pyra's misery. On the bright side, he could at least spot a few looks of pity here and there. Better than nothing.

And then there was Mythra, staring directly at him with an expressionless face, fiddling with her pen. Rex couldn't tell if she was about to write him a glowing review or throw the pen directly at his eyes. The latter seemed more likely, but he held out hope he was getting five stars and a "he tried his best" in the local paper instead.

The pity applause withered away within a few seconds. As soon as it ended, Rex and Pyra began their humiliated retreat back to their seats. Rex slumped down heavily, staring up at the ceiling. This had been an  _ordeal._ He'd been up there all of ten minutes, but he'd never felt so mentally drained in his life. He could only assume Pyra wasn't doing much better.

"Sorry. About all that. I probably made that a lot worse, huh?" he said, looking over at her. He'd apologized...a few times today. He meant it, though. He was  _very_ sorry Pyra had to endure that. It would've been bad with anyone, but Rex was pretty sure his very special brand of awkwardness had made things more embarassing at every turn.

Pyra shook her head at him.

"No, I'm sorry, too. I...wasn't great, either," she said with a small smile.

"Yeah, you guys actually killed my cringe reflex. Pretty impressive, honestly," Mythra interrupted, leaning towards the pair. The smirk on her face suggested she was drifting away from Murder Rex to Laugh At Rex. How polite of her.

"Nice thinking with that fake kissing thing, by the way. Good thing you did it, too. Who knows what would've happened if you'd just gone for the real thing?" she said, looking directly at Rex.

She was still smirking. It wasn't pairing terribly well with the cold emptyness of her eyes, fine-tuned to pack the maximum amount of killing intent into a single glance.

"Y-yeah, uh...guess it was," he said, laughing nervously. Just agree with her. Do not prompt her to elaborate. Just  _agree_ ,  _keep quiet,_ and hope Pyra does the same thin-

"Oh, I know! Honestly, I'm glad he came up with that. Otherwise, things could've gotten very...well..." Pyra unhelpfully added.

"Yeah. Things might've gotten  _real_ bad, huh?" Mythra said, gaze still fixed on Rex. He really wished she would unfix it

Trying to avoid her staring, Rex turned his attention back to the front of the class. A new pair, another boy and girl, had been brought on-stage. Zeke was once again bombarding them with bizarre instructions and shoving suspiciously ripped-up scripts into their hands, although Rex couldn't help noticing that the more overtly  _romantic_ overtones in his speeches were rather  _absent_ for this pair.

They...were pretty bad. They didn't really know how to act, didn't really know each other, and hadn't never seen the script before. Of the ten or so pairs that Zeke brought on after them, maybe one set managed to put on a semi-competent performance, and even they wound up stumbling over their lines a couple of times.

None of them ever matched Rex and Pyra's transcendantly awful display, however. Nobody ever devolved into babbling apologetics, and the few that were slipped a script with any kind of Romantic Activity just copied their improvised pretend-kissing with relatively little fanfare. Their noble sacrifice in going first had saved dozens from a similar fate.

And, once again, Rex noted that Zeke hadn't considered a single pair aside from him and Pyra worthy of quite the same level of... _attention._ Oh, he was still ridiculous. He still hammed it up at every opportunity. But phrases like "star-crossed lovers" and "lovebirds" seemed to be reserved for  _them_ specifically.

It was...concerning. To say the least. Rex hesitated to call himself and Pyra Zeke's "favourites" considering what he'd put them through, but he seemed to have a pretty keen interest in them regardless.

At long last, after an eternity of theatrical failure, however, the class finally ended. Students sprang to their feet, eager to escape the swirling maelstrom of Weird that was Zeke Von Genbu as quickly as possible.

"Don't forget, everyone! Same time Wednesdays and Fridays! The Zekenator  _will be waiting!_ " Zeke bellowed out to the students exiting the room using an awkward compromise between a sprint and a casual stroll.

Rex got up from his chair, ready to make his own exit. Luckily, Zeke's class ended at noon, and he was in desperate need of some comfort food right about now. Only Pan-fried Tartari could ease his weary soul.

Pyra caught up to him as he began walking away, with Mythra trailing behind them.

"So, um...do you...still want to meet tomorrow? For lunch, I mean," she asked, face still a little red from the day's ordeals.

"Huh?" Rex said, before remembering, "Oh! Right! Uh, sure. If you're still...y-you know, okay with it?"

"O-of course! We can meet in the cafeteria, alright?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll, uh...I'll see you tomorrow."

"Great! Well...see you then!" Pyra said, giving him a quick smile and a wave as she walked past him. Mythra followed, giving a half-hearted wave without looking back at him.

Rex let out a quiet sigh of relief. At least Pyra still wanted to hang out with him. Or associate with him in any way at all. For all the damage Zeke had done to their burgeoning friendship, he hadn't completely destroyed it. Maybe one day they'd look back on this whole thing and laugh. And cry. Crying seemed more likely in the near future. Especially from Pyra.

He walked up the stairs towards the door. Towards freedom. Just as he reached it, however, a loud, far-too familiar voice called out to him.

"Hang about, chum! I'd like a word with you, if you don't mind."

Rex minded. He minded quite a bit. Zeke was also probably the kind of person who would follow him across the entire school asking if he was  _sure_ he didn't want to talk until he caved in. As much as Zeke "wanting a word" filled him with a cold dread, especially after  _all of that,_ there was really no point in trying to avoid him.

"...I guess," he said reluctantly. Zeke grinned, beckoning him closer with a wide wave of his hand.

"So then..." he began, leaning conspiratorially towards Rex, but forgetting that you usually lower your voice when you do this, "You're carrying quite the flame for that girl, aren't you?"

Rex felt his cheeks flare bright red in an instant. They'd really been enjoying their five minutes of relative calm, as well.

"W-what!? I-I don't-"

"Don't lie to me, chum, my Eye can see right through it!" Zeke exclaimed, tapping his eyepatch. This would normally raise a lot of questions in Rex's mind, but he was a little busy denying these outrageous accusations right now.

"B-but...we've only just met!"

Zeke scoffed at this fairly reasonable response.

"Hah! 'Only just met!' Have you never heard of love at first sight!?"

"I mean, sure, but-"

"I know love when I see it, chum! No need to be embarassed! In fact..." Zeke stepped away from Rex, slapping his arms against his coat to force some dramatic billowing, "I intend to aid you!"

"You're...you're  _what?!"_  Rex yelped. Oh no. Oh, this was just the worst possible outcome. Rex hadn't even considered this. He thought Zeke'd just give him some weird acting tips and send him on his way, not forcibly instate himself as his  _love guru. Who was this guy, and why was he allowed to teach?_

"Trust me, chum, with the Zekenator's help, soon enough you won't have to _pretend_ to kiss her anymore!" Zeke continued, shifting to face Rex from the side and placing a hand in front of his face to vary up his pose.

Rex tried not to think very hard about the prospect of Actually Kissing Pyra. He was already having enough trouble ignoring the very loud, very intrusive thoughts about how pretty and sweet she was without Zeke injecting a piping hot dose of Kissing into the mix.

"L-look, I-I...we just met! And we're friends! I think?" Rex rambled, desperately trying to find a way to convince Zeke to resign from his self-appointed post.

"Yes, beautiful, isn't it? The seeds of love, blossoming in the light of friendship!"

"T-that's not what I mean-"

Before Rex could finish objecting, Zeke dropped his pose, turning to face Rex once more. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax, my man! The Zekenator will work his magic so subtly, you won't even know he's there! Well. I'll be here, usually. But you won't know I'm helping you!"

Rex stared at Zeke for a moment. He was...Well, he was basically talking complete nonsense and being  _really_ weird about fantasy relationships between his students.

And yet, he was saying it all with a confident, self-assured smile, and an oddly sincere care in his eye that made him seem sort of...convincing? Kinda? Rex knew Zeke was chatting shit at a world-class level, but he was kind of buying into it. A little.

He'd probably regret this. He'd  _totally_ regret this. Zeke was almost certainly going to make every moment he and Pyra had together into a lethally awkward disaster zone. He  _should not do this._

"...Fine. I guess," Rex said, sealing his own doom. "Just...could you maybe not do something that... _public_  again? Maybe do something a little more low-key, instead?" he added, trying to make his doom slightly more palatable.

"Of course, chum. I'll be but the ghost of Cupid, firing my arrows from the shadows," Zeke said with a nod. Rex smiled in relief.

"Thanks," he said, turning away from his professor and now, apparently, his Romance Mentor, "I'll see you Wednesday, I guess," he added with a wave. Zeke returned the wave at about double the speed and width of the swing.

"Indeed you will. And don't you worry, chum! The Zekenator's in your corner!"

"...Thanks?" Rex said, still wrestling with whether this was a good thing or a very,  _very_ bad thing in his mind.

At least he'd get to meet Pyra tomorrow, before whatever Zeke had planned was put into motion.

Maybe he should tell her about all this. It'd give her time to mentally prepare.

Then again, maybe she was better off not knowing. He'd have to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feel free to point out any problems or criticisms you have with this nonsense.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyra enjoys a nice lunch with Rex whilst trying to keep her dignity intact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy, it's Halloween and that means it's time for the scariest thing of all: Awkward Pyrex Interaction. personally not sure the dialogue and characterization are on point in this, so if you see any problems feel free to tell me. Zeke Hell returns in the next chapter.

Pyra reached into a small, black backpack, extracting a set of three containers and placing them carefully in a row in front of her. On the floor. She'd given it a quick brush with her hands first, just to keep things hygienic, then followed it up by laying her jacket out as a makeshift tablecloth. It helped give things that extra bit of class that was immediately wiped out by the plastic cutlery she was neatly arranging in parallel with each container. A set of plain paper plates, hastily bought from a nearby party store, were set next to them. The balloons printed all over them probably looked a little strange for what was meant to be a casual lunch, but hopefully Rex wouldn't mind.

The containers were trying their best to live up to their title, but Pyra had seen fit to make this as challenging for them as she could. Each one's lid strained and bent under the bulging mass of food lurking beneath them. Random leaves of lettuce were protruding from the gaps under the designated Salad Tub's lid, like unusually tasty weeds slipping through cracks in the pavement. Pyra had promised Rex a good sampling of her work, and she intended to give him it, alongside the distinct possibility of a stomach ache afterwards. Hopefully he'd think it was worth it, even if he'd look a bit odd sitting on the floor stuffing his face with cake.

Admittedly, her original vision of this moment had featured far more tupperware-on-table action than she was currently enjoying, but Pyra had forgotten to give much consideration to just how many students would show up to a cafeteria at lunchtime. It was  _packed_ in there.

Oh, she'd  _tried_ to get a seat. She'd made a very earnest effort, journeying to every two-seat table in search of a spot for her and Rex.

She had failed. The corner really was the best she could do. It turns out a lot of people like to eat their lunch at lunchtime. The various tables spread across the large room were completely filled up by pairs of friends, couples Pyra tried not to look at for too long before The Thoughts set in, larger study groups, and the groups that had their laptops open to at least make a vague gesture towards looking like a study group, even if it was apparently a study group exclusively about watching anime.

At least the Corner of Shame was fairly quiet in comparison to the constant noise and movement of the cafeteria proper. It meant her and Rex could eat in relative peace, even if the presentation of her food was going to suffer in the process.

Also her legs were cramping a bit, but you had to make sacrifices for your makeshift hospitality.

With what passed for the table set, Pyra put herself on full-time Rex Spotting duty. Primarily by keeping her eye level about a foot below most passersbys' head height. Rex was...pretty small, after all. Not that this was an issue for her. In fact, a very unhelpful part of her mind had propped Rex up against her internal "you must be this short to be Really Cute" sign and found that he'd cleared the sub-five-foot requirements with low-flying colours. Cuteness aside- and Pyra was already tucking the notion that Rex was cute away into a small box marked Things To Have A Meltdown Over, for later use- picking him out of a crowd that was far taller than him was kind of challenging.

She squinted at the latest group of arrivals, focusing intently on them until she saw a brief flash of brown hair bobbing up around the shoulders of two taller students. Yup. Had to be Rex. Either that or she was about to look pretty silly.

"Hey, Rex! Over here!"

A few seconds later, Rex emerged from the crowd, giving Pyra a sheepish smile as he squeezed past the last couple of people in his path. The sheepishness got a little bit woolier when he had to pause to yank his bag out from behind someone's legs, offering them a quick apology as he pulled it towards freedom.

Rex plopped down on the floor next to Pyra, seating the bag in his lap while keeping it held tightly in his hands, like he was concerned it was going to keep getting wrapped around random legs if he didn't keep an eye on it. He gave her another smile, slightly more confidently now that all the wool had been sheared off.

"Hey, Pyra. Couldn't get any seats, huh?"

"No, sorry. I mean, I tried, but...well..." she gestured towards the sea of sat-in seats before them. "I know it's not exactly the best way to eat. Sorry," she repeated. It was probably unnecessary, really. Rex wasn't the type to get mad over something like this. Still, she felt kind of bad about it. It didn't seem right to invite someone out for food and then proudly present them with a lovingly arranged plate of Floor Sandwiches, complete with dust bunnies for extra roughage. Hopefully he'd understand.

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's not like it's your fault, right? Besides, this is kinda comfy, anyway," Rex replied happily, slumping against the wall and stretching his legs out. He pushed his bag off to the side, satisfied that it wasn't going to get itself in anymore trouble.

Pyra laughed a little in response.

"Well, if you say so."

Yep, there it was. Rex didn't seem to mind at all. Actually, he  _did_ look pretty comfy already, his fingers drumming lightly on the floor to whatever rhythm was bouncing around in his head as he gave her a cheery smile. He was quite an easy-going person, when he wasn't being...well. Whatever you'd call what Professor Von Genbu had done to them. "Harassed" was probably the word, but Pyra was trying to give their new lecturer the benefit of what little doubt remained and avoid using that term. She went with "severely bothered them." Rex was a very nice, easy-going person when he was not being severely bothered by his educators.

She tried not to think too hard about the severe bothering. It bothered her. Now was not the time to have reminders of Rex's flustered, completely red face hovering  _very close to hers_ pop into her head, she had  _lunches to eat_ and so did he. She gently placed those thoughts into the Meltdown Box and slid a lid over it before they could plan a jailbreak with the "he's cute" thoughts.

"S-So," she said, fumbling for her composure, "shall we get started?" Her hand rested on the leftmost tub, labelled "sandwiches" in elegant cursive writing.

Rex's smile broke into an eager grin as he leaned forward in anticipation.

"Yeah, sure! I've been looking forward to this all day, to be honest. Didn't even eat breakfast, just to make more room."

Pyra smiled back, feeling her face redden a little from his enthusiasm. After pulling the tub's lid off, she reached in and took a couple of the vegetarian sandwiches, then handed the rest over to Rex along with a plate.

"I made...kind of a lot, so you don't have to eat all of it if you don't want to. I hope you like it."

Rex peered into the tub, eyes widening in surprise as the full truth of her words dawned on him.

She'd made a lot of sandwiches. Big ones, at that, just in case Rex was secretly packing an eating contest champion's appetite. Mythra had described the quantity as "overkill," and then immediately demanded she get a few of them. At first because, in her words, "hey, he's not gonna be able to eat all of these. Have you  _seen_ him? He's tiny," which then swiftly gave way to the more honest "look, just gimmie one, I'm hungry." She'd gotten three. Now Rex would have to make do with the other twelve. Well, ten, now that she'd taken her own sandwiches.

"That's, uh...you weren't kidding when you said you made a lot," Rex said in amazement. He had a puzzled expression, like he was trying to figure out how Pyra had managed to stuff that much bread into one container. After deciding he was probably not going to solve that mystery any time soon, he looked back up at Pyra. "You sure I can have all this? I feel kinda bad not sharing more with you."

"No, no, it's fine. I've already got mine."

Pyra held up one of her sandwiches as delicious reassurance. A stray glob of mayonaise dripped onto her jacket in the process, barely missing the plate underneath it.

"I mean, if it's alright with you..." Rex said, a bit of residual guilt lingering in his voice. Pyra nodded in confirmation. Seemingly satisfied, although clearly still a bit reluctant to hog all the food for himself, Rex grabbed one of the chicken sandwiches and took a large, undignified bite out of it.

He chewed slowly at first, as if in deep contemplation over the flavour. After a moment, his eyes lit up in delight, and he took several more frantic bites out of the sandwich, rapidly chewing and swallowing each one. He ended up demolishing it in less than a minute, incoherent noises of joy escaping his mouth between every bite. Rex looked back at Pyra, eyes shimmering in awe at the Culinary Queen sitting quietly next to him.

"That's...that's  _really_ good, Pyra. Just...the...the chicken, and the sauce, and..and everything! It's  _so good!_ I don't even like cold chicken usually, but that was just...so delicious, _"_ he choked out, trying very hard to stretch his limited culinary knowledge into a useful review. "It's...it's really tasty," he concluded vaguely but sincerely.

Pyra's face reddened slightly further at his praise. Oh, wow. He  _really_  liked this. More than that, he was making sure she  _knew_ how much he enjoyed it. His straight-forward enthusiasm made a welcome change from Mythra's complimentary but incredibly abrupt "yup, that was good" responses to her food. Rex might not have much of a grasp on the fine detail when it came to cooking, but he knew when he liked something, and he was all-too eager to express it. It...felt good.

_Plus_ , whispered The Thoughts, free from their prison,  _he was kinda cute when he was happy._

The Thoughts were going to need some very stern repression later. Or at least burying her head in a pillow and squeaking for a bit.

"Th-thank you," she said, feeling a little flustered, "I'm...I'm glad you liked it so much. I, um...well, I experimented with that recipe a little bit this time. Normally, I add some lettuce, but I thought maybe celery would go a little better with the rest of it, so I gave it a try. Did it, um...did it work?"

"Yeah, I loved it! It was perfect! D'you have anymore of these?"

"Well, yes, but there's some other kinds in there you could try out first. If you want to, that is," she tacked on, trying not to pressure him too much.

Admittedly, she  _kind of_ wanted him to get to the other recipes. Different food meant new reactions, and...well, she was  _enjoying_ Rex's reaction to her food. She wanted to know what else he liked, what he'd say about them. Okay, he'd probably say a variation of "oh wow, that's good," but  _still._ Fresh subject matter for the compliments would be nice.

Rex must have picked up on what she wanted, since he moved one of the extra chicken sandwiches aside, taking the last of the vegetarian sandwiches instead. He brought it up towards his already wide open mouth. It looked as though he was going to try and stuff half the sandwich in there at once. Pyra shifted a little, just in case she had to spring up and give him an emergency Heimlich manoeuvre. Right before taking a bite, though, his hands froze in place, the sandwich hovering just in front of his mouth.

"You don't mind me eating these ones, right?"

"Um...no? You can eat whatever you want, you know. I don't mind at all."

"I know, I know, it's just...you like these ones best, right?" He glanced towards the two she'd picked out for herself. "I thought maybe you'd want this one, too."

Pyra smiled in gratitude. That was actually quite considerate of him. She grabbed hold of her own food, lifting it up to mirror Rex's position in front of her mouth.

"Rex, I appreciate it, but...I made these for  _you._ I'm not gonna get upset if you eat food I made  _for you_ to eat. Besides," she said, taking a bite about a fifth the size of the average Rex Bite out of her sandwich, "I don't really eat much anyway," she finished, covering her mouth with her free hand as she spoke.

Given Rex's gung-ho approach to eating, Pyra probably could've dislocated her jaw like a python and dropped the entire sandwich down her throat in one shot and he wouldn't have minded, but  _it was the principle of the thing._ She had to eat  _politely._

Rex stared at her, mystified by her tiny bites and apparently tiny stomach.

"Really?" He took his own bite. Some semblance of manners suddenly found its way into his head and he reduced the size of his next mouthful by about half. Still dwarfing Pyra's, but trying a little harder to match her more reserved eating habits. "I thought if you cooked, you'd eat a lot, y'know?" he said, his mouth full. He neglected to cover it. Pyra's manners were still a few steps ahead of his.

"It's, well...How do I put this? I love cooking, but it's not really about eating the food so much as it's...making food for  _others_ to eat. When people enjoy my food, it...It makes me happy. If they're happy, I'm happy. Maybe it sounds a little silly, but...that's why I cook," she said, her voice filled with a calm, sincere passion.

Cooking was something she loved wholeheartedly, and it was seeing reactions like Rex's that made her feel that way. Seeing him enjoying something she'd made for him so much felt immensely gratifying for her. Even as she was speaking, even though he was obviously listening intently, he'd still mutter "man, that's  _good"_ under his breath every few mouthfuls as he ate.

Once she'd finished speaking, Rex looked at her with an awe-struck expression, as if what she'd said had moved him to his core. She liked that look on his face a lot better than Mythra's response to this speech, which had been "that's real nice of you, Pyra," before getting back to wolfing her food down.

"That's...that's kind of amazing. I, uh...feel sorta selfish next to you, to be honest. I just like archaeology 'cause it's...well, interesting," he said. His eyes flicked downwards, like he thought he was unworthy to look upon a Paragon of Selflessness like Pyra. After a moment, he managed to meet her gaze again.

"I'm glad, though. That you like cooking so much, I mean. You're really talented, you know, Pyra. I can tell how much you care about it," Rex continued, his own voice matching Pyra's sincerity. He then quietly said "mmm, that's  _tasty"_ afterwards. Pyra tried not to let it ruin the moment for her.

"Thank you, Rex. That...means a lot to me."

She smiled warmly at him. This was turning out to be really fun. She was glad Rex was enjoying himself so much, and, well...he was so supportive and  _nice_ to her, and really quite easy to just sit down and talk to. Putting aside the occasional interference from The Thoughts about how  _cute_ he was when he smiled, Pyra couldn't help but feel relaxed around Rex. She felt like she could stay here for hours, just talking to him and letting him try out more food.

Unfortunately she only got an hour's break until her next class, so she'd have to make the most of it. Once Rex had finished his latest sandwich- he'd moved onto one of the beef sandwiches and devoured it almost instantly- Pyra picked up her second container, marked "Salads," and placed it between the two of them. She rummaged in her backpack for a moment, eventually extracting a small pair of tongs and set them down next to the tub.

"Do you want to try some of these next? If you're finished with the sandwiches, that is," she asked. Rex nodded, leaning in closer to the box with an eager grin.

"Yeah, sure! Salads aren't normally my thing, but...hey, if you made them, they're probably delicious anyway." Rex picked up his plate, holding it close to the tub.

Pyra giggled, a blush once again creeping onto her face. There he goes again, being  _so nice_  about everything.  _Maybe he's so nice to you because he_ likes  _you,_ suggested The Thoughts. Pyra chose not to address this possibility until she was certain Rex wasn't in the same building as her anymore.

With  _that notion_ pointedly ignored, she opened up the tub. Once the seal was broken, the top layers of the salad burst forth, spilling over the sides of the container.  _Possibly_ too much salad, but, hey, he's not been complaining about the quantities so far.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll convert you to them," she said, placing some on his plate.

She actually did.

Maybe she really was  _just that good,_ maybe Rex was simply riding the high of her sandwiches and now  _anything_ she made would taste incredible to him, but, just like before, Rex wound up treating every bite of his salad like he was ascending to a higher, healthier plane of existence.

Even when she suggested they move on to the final box- marked "desserts (Mythra stay out!)" with a "nah" written underneath in considerably blunter handwriting- he was perfectly happy to keep on eating. The question of where he was  _putting_ all this food was slowly gaining extra, massive red question marks in her mind. He was a fair few inches shorter than  _her_ and she already had a pretty low appetite to begin with.  _How was he still eating?_

In a way, she didn't really care, so long as he was enjoying her food. Judging from how many times he'd insisted to her that these were "the best cupcakes I've ever eaten, no, I'm serious, you're  _so good at this,"_ he was probably having an alright time with them. If he was upset that there was only about half as many desserts as everything else thanks to Mythra's Cake-Related Crimes, he wasn't letting on.

At last, though, the final cupcake slid down his throat, just as Pyra finished off what was left of her one and only dessert. Rex patted his stomach appreciatively, sliding a little further down the wall like he was about to instantaneously slip into a five-year Food Coma. Sighing in satisfaction, he turned his head towards Pyra.

"Thanks for all that. It was great. You...didn't have to make all that for me, though. It must've been a lot of work."

Pyra shook her head.

"Oh, it wasn't any trouble or anything, so long as you liked it. Sorry it was all cold food, though. It was probably a little samey."

Plus, she internally noted, Rex  _had_ said he wasn't a fan of cold meat. Even if he'd enjoyed the food as much as he did, she could've made him something that suited his tastes better.

Rex waved his hand dismissively, shaking his head right back at her.

"Nah, it's fine. It's not like you could've given me any hot food. Not unless you cooked it at home and ran all the way here."

"I suppose you're right...Well, maybe if you came over for dinner, I could make you something warmer," Pyra said with absolutely zero thought as to what she was actually saying.

It took her a second to realise what she'd just done.

It took Rex a second to realise what she'd just done.

Oh, there it was again. The awkwardness. They'd been getting along so well, having a lovely little lunch together, just enjoying each other's company, but here it comes, back to ruin everything. She could tell, because his face was looking awfully similar to how it'd looked yesterday when they were both  _very close to each other,_ and she didn't particularly need that memory poking its head round the corner and asking if things were awkward enough yet because no, thanks,  _they really were._

Pyra wasn't sure how  _her_ face was doing, but considering she felt like she could squish one of the sandwiches up against her cheek and suddenly have a hastily-made hot meal ready for Rex to try out, she assumed she wasn't doing great.

It's not like she could rescind the offer now, either. You didn't just invite someone over and then immediately slam the door in their face.

Especially not if you actually really wanted to spend more time with them. Platonically.

"D-dinner? At your place?" Rex eventually stammered out, although it was more a squeak than normal speech.

Oh dear. Now she had to speak again. Hopefully she wouldn't embarrass herself.

"W-well, Mythra would be there, too, so it's not like we'd be having dinner...um. Alone. Not that that would be a problem or anything! Just...um..."

She embarrassed herself.

"I mean, uh...if that's alright with you? I don't wanna, y'know,  _impose,_ or anything, but if...if you want to, sure?" Rex said, cutting across her disastrous sentence with his own botched attempt at communication.

"I'd love t-I mean. Um. That'd be...nice. D-does Friday sound good? We could meet up after our classes."

"S-sure, that'd be fine."

Pyra breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Clumsy though it may have been, Dinner Had Been Arranged with relatively little damage to her mental well-being. She took a moment to calm down, try and salvage the situation and end things on a less... _embarrassing_ note.

"Okay, great!" She began sorting out her belongings, placing the mostly-empty tubs back into her backpack and picking up her now slightly-stained jacket. "I'll, um...see you then. And tomorrow, actually. We...have Drama tomorrow, don't we?" she said in the same apprehensive tone someone might say "We're disarming that bomb tomorrow, huh?"

"Oh yeah, we do, don't we? I hope it's less...you know," Rex trailed off, unwilling to elaborate further and potentially shatter the brief peace they'd reestablished.

"Yeah, me too," Pyra said solemnly. She  _did_ hope it was less "you know." Something told her it was going to be precisely as "you know" as last time for the foreseeable future.

"Guess we'll find out, huh?" Rex said, pushing himself off of the wall and slowly rising to his feet. "But hey, it can't be as bad as last time, right?" He looked down and gave Pyra another one of those cheery grins she was trying very hard not to interpret as "cute."

It probably  _could_ be as bad, knowing Professor Von Genbu. Still, the ironclad confidence with which he had said that,  _insisted_ that things could only get better, the way he grinned like he expected the grim reality of What Professor Von Genbu Was Like to just bounce right off of him...for a moment, she believed him. Rex's attitude was kind of infectious.

She slung her backpack around her shoulders, quickly scooping up the discarded plates and cutlery, then rose to her feet.

"Let's hope you're right. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" she said, giving him one last warm smile.

"Yep, tomorrow," Rex responded with a nod. As Pyra turned to leave, waving as she went, Rex called after her again.

"Thanks a lot, by the way! This was fun!" he said with a wave of his own.

"I had fun, too, Rex! See you later!" she called back, waving once again before turning away from her new friend.

She smiled happily to herself as she walked to the nearest bin to dump their used cutlery. All in all, this had gone pretty well, temporary bouts of Acute Embarrassment aside. Okay, they'd also wound up forgetting about Rex's whole "I'll tell you about my archaeology course," thing. They'd just gotten lost in trying out the food, she supposed.

Well, maybe they could catch up on that when he came over for dinner.

Dinner. At her apartment. That she shared with Mythra. Who was not very welcoming to strangers. Especially not boys she suspected were Interested In Pyra.

Oh, she hadn't thought this through very well, had she?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyra and Rex attend their second drama class. Mythra is a menace to society.

Last night went fairly decently, Pyra thought. As soon as she'd gotten home, she'd told Mythra all about the dinner plans her and Rex had sort of accidentally tripped and fell into, and, all things considered, she'd taken it pretty well.

She'd only punched the wall once. And the dent was hardly noticeable once Pyra had pinned a hastily printed picture of a cute cat over it. And she'd only accused Rex of "trying to make a move on you, the little creep" three or four times before accepting he probably wasn't and isn't. And she'd stopped huffing after Pyra had assured her she didn't have to actually interact with any guests and could just stay in her room all night. And that, to sweeten the deal by adding a single droplet of sugar to the churning salt volcano that was Mythra's mood, she didn't have to pay into the swear jar for a whole week.

This was no small concession, considering a good third of Pyra's food budget came from Mythra's constant contributions to the swear jar, but she'd just have to make it work. Rex would only be getting a three-course meal and an after-dinner mint now.

Still, at least it had calmed Mythra down enough that she'd agreed to  _not_ clothesline Rex, send him flying down to the front of the lecture hall, and then combo into an expertly aimed dropkick to send him directly into Professor Von Genbu's face mid-monologue. Now she was just going to subject him to what she had cryptically referred to as "the Ray of Punishment."

Pyra had politely asked Mythra not to do this and to please leave Rex alone, he was perfectly nice and there was no need to be so antagonistic towards him. Mythra had ignored her pleas. There was every need, actually.

"Mythra,  _please_ , just...be nice, okay?" Pyra whispered. They'd just arrived at the lecture hall, and she'd already spotted the messy brown hair of the boy she was now Sworn To Protect. Pyra knew there wasn't much hope of stopping Mythra, so she hadn't sworn very strongly, more a "darn" than a "shit" on the scale of Swearing Strength, but she wanted to keep Rex safe from Mythra's wrath regardless.

That was going to be very hard. He was sitting in the same aisle seat as last time. So vulnerable. So defenseless. His legs were kicking with aimless innocence, like he was splashing idly in the ocean, completely unaware of the massive tidal wave looming behind him. He'd never escape her from this angle.

"Sure I will," Mythra said with zero conviction. Pyra frowned at her. She'd almost prefer it if she would just admit she was going to be Unpleasant.

"Mythra, you're clenching your fists."

"Sure am."

"Mythra, Rex...really hasn't done anything wrong here."

"Sure he hasn't."

They were almost there. Time grew short, and short boys were in grave peril.

" _I'm_ the one who invited him over, you know," she said, her voice becoming more urgent.

"Sure you did."

"Look, just-"

"Hey, Rex," Mythra said, tapping him on the shoulder. Well, okay, Pyra wasn't sure if it still counted as a tap when you did it with your entire fist, but Rex's shoulder didn't seem to have been dislocated from the impact, so she assumed Mythra hadn't attempted one of her many Bone-Smasher Arts on him as a greeting.

Pyra's final protest died in her throat. She hoped Rex wouldn't die along with it. He looked up at Mythra with a friendly grin.

"Oh, hey, Mythra!" he said with an ignorantly cheerful voice that made his impending doom all the more heartbreaking for Pyra.

Mythra's lips tugged upwards in a tiny smirk. In one fluid motion she dove into her coat pocket, whipping her phone out with the speed and precision normally reserved for a master swordsman drawing his katana, only instead of doing something very impressive and cool like cutting down ten guys at once like in those cartoons Mythra kept insisting to Pyra she  _didn't_ watch, she just turned the flashlight on and shone it directly into Rex's eyes.

She shouted "Ray of Punishment!" as she did it, in the tone of someone who is very sure they are being incredibly cool right now. It wasn't a million miles off from what Professor Von Genbu sounded like most of the time, but Pyra didn't really want to tell Mythra this and risk her own Ray of Punishment.

"Mythra, that's really dangerous! You could've blinded him!" Pyra chided. She resisted the urge to hug Rex protectively in response to this deadly assault. She then tried to ignore The Thoughts bursting in through the door, making everything untidy and tracking very unhelpful "gosh I bet Rex is really fun to hug" feelings all over her mind. They had a long lesson ahead of them and she didn't need them coming in this early.

"Like a flashlight's gonna do that," Mythra responded flippantly. "I can probably make the brightness on this thing way higher, anyway. I let him off easy."

"W-what the hell was that for?!" Rex huffed, still hunched over and rubbing his eyes.

"Your dumb dinner date with Pyra. Try not to do anything you'll  _regret_ , okay?"

"D-date?! But we're just-" Rex began, his face enjoying the first blush of the day.

"Save it. Don't care anymore. It's outta my system now." Mythra took a step backwards, signalling for Rex to move with an impatient upward flick of her arm. Still dabbing at one of his eyes, he dragged himself out of his seat and allowed Mythra and Pyra to take their own. Pyra made very sure she was still sitting in between them, for Rex's safety.

Once he'd returned to his seat, she leaned over to check in on him.

"Are you alright, Rex?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, totally fine," Rex said with a confident grin, "I mean, I kinda can't see most of your face, but it doesn't hurt anymore. So, y'know. Doing better."

This would explain why he was trying to reassure the empty space somewhere behind her shoulder. She frowned in sympathy. She could tell he was trying not to worry her. This was just making her worry about him more.

"I'm  _so_ sorry about Mythra. She...She's really nice when you get to know her, I swear."

Rex's brow furrowed in thought, clearly struggling to reconcile this statement with the blinding reality of what Mythra had  _literally just done to him._ Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders, his smile quickly returning.

"No, no, I get it. She's just looking out for you, right?"

"In...her own way, yes." Pyra agreed, returning the smile.

This was hardly the first time Mythra had threatened or performed physical harm on a boy standing vaguely within Pyra's vicinity- although Rex had actually gotten off pretty lightly, which Pyra took as a good sign.

At least he wasn't holding it against her. Rex didn't seem like the kind of person to hold grudges, anyway. He held a grudge like it was made out of soap and caked with a thin layer of butter, just immediately slipping out of his hands the moment he touched it.

"I can hear you guys, you know."

Pyra turned to face Mythra, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"If you can hear us, maybe you should apologize to Rex," she said, her tone more stern than normal.

"Sorry my sister's fussing over you like you're a little kid," Mythra said, not looking up from her phone. A quick glance revealed she was looking up how to replace her phone's flashlight with a stronger one. Casually mentioning to Rex that he'd suit some sunglasses,  _no really, just ignore that we're in a perpetually snowy country, they'd look great_ , was probably a safe bet.

"Uh...thanks?"

"Close enough," Pyra murmured with a sigh.

Before she could give Rex her second On Behalf Of Mythra, I'm Sorry Mythra Is So Terrible apology, a long, loud series of claps cut across the room. Trepidation grabbed all three of them by the head and forced them to turn towards the front.

There he was again. Stomping into their lives as loudly as he could manage, his every clap like he'd surgically replaced his hands with two cymbols. Professor Von Genbu was back. Even the grin sprawling across his face managed to be deafeningly loud.

Pyra tried to mentally prepare herself. She hoped she'd at least get to maintain a comfortable distance from Rex's face this time. Not because she didn't  _want_ to be close- she veered her train of thought  _very_ hard away from this route before she started dwelling on Why That Was The Case- it was more just she didn't think either of their hearts could take it.

"May I have your attention, ladies and gentleman!  _Drama_ is now in session!" Professor Von Genbu declared. Mythra grimaced in aural agony, like someone had decided to sing power ballads into a megaphone pressed up against her ear. Pyra was a little glad he didn't seem to bother with microphones, if only for Mythra's sake.

"Before we begin, I'd like to both thank and congratulate you all on returning for a second helping of  _pulse-pounding dramatic action_! I've never seen so many students come back after their first session, you know. Few have the nerve, the  _iron will,_ to withstand more than one day in the wild world of the Zekenator, but you! You have proven yourselves to be made of sterner stuff than most! Most impressive, chaps,  _most_ impressive."

Pyra tilted her head to the right, giving what she could see of the hall a quick scan. There were...fewer people than before. Probably about twenty less, in fact. And the class was already pretty sparsely attended- maybe fifty, sixty people last time? She wasn't  _that_ familiar with university class sizes yet, but these halls were  _big._ Big enough to comfortably seat hundreds, in some cases, and Professor Von Genbu had gotten one of the larger rooms all to himself. The students were taking up less than half that space, with sizeable gaps broken up by small clusters of friends sitting together, alongside the odd loner.

And this was apparently his best retention result yet.

That was...a shame, she thought. In a way. For all his oddities- Pyra was not actually sure what was  _normal_ about Professor Von Genbu, but that didn't matter right now- he was certainly  _passionate_ about the subject. No one could deny Professor Von Genbu wasn't pouring every ounce of his being, even the slightly suspect portions, into his work. She couldn't help but respect that.

"I'm surprised there's even this many people. Dude's a freakshow," Mythra muttered, providing a somewhat more cynical take.

"He's...well..." Pyra knew she couldn't really dispute this. She tried to find a kinder interpretation. "He's...certainly unique."

"Yeah, he's, uh...eccentric. I guess," Rex offered. Together, their lukewarm praise wasn't going to melt Mythra's icy cold gaze, but at least they'd tried.

"Now then!" Professor Von Genbu said, pacing back and forth across the stage with exagerratedly large steps as he spoke. "Last time, I took it easy on you lot, handed you some scripts, let you dip your toes into the vast ocean of the performing arts. Amateur hour stuff, of course, but that's what this class is for- to mold you into  _true thespians_  like me!" He paused, stretching his arms out wide to let the class drink in exactly what they were supposed to turn into.

Few seemed thrilled at the prospect, although a couple of people were eyeing up his muscles with palpable envy. A couple more were just checking them out. Nobody doing this would dare admit to it, considering who was attached to them. Satisfied, he lowered his arms and continued.

"This time, however, things are different. Today, I shall throw you into the deep end, into the unforgiving waters of... _improv."_

Pyra, Rex and Mythra simultaneously muttered "oh no," with varying levels of despair.

"I'd like you all to pair off once again- fear not, you may choose your partner this time! I've a feeling you all know who you'll have the most  _chemistry_ with," Zeke said, looking directly at Pyra and Rex and giving them what he must have assumed was a very subtle thumbs up. He might've gotten away with it if he hadn't held his hand up at head height to make absolutely sure they'd seen it.

Pyra attempted to ignore the dozens of stares sailing their way, or the faint whispers and chortles that broke out as the class realized it was Those Two. The fake-kissing pair from last time.

Her cheeks flared red and she looked down at her feet, her fingers fidgeting to try and offer her some distraction. She supposed this was inevitable, although she was really hoping for the lesson to at least  _begin_ before she started getting the urge to hide her face inside her sweater again.

"Now, don't worry chaps, I'll not be making you invent a scene  _entirely_ from scratch. No, no, today we have a theme:  _Death itself!"_

Professor Von Genbu clasped a hand to his face, his one exposed eye peeking out from a gap between his fingers. He must have thought it looked very sinister and cool.

Pyra actually kind of thought it  _did_ look sinister and cool, and she did not appreciate Mythra snorting audibly at his pose.

"Death, my friends, is one of the most important elements in all of fiction- indeed, it is often the crux of a story's entire climax! A heartbreaking seperation, the slaying of a hated foe, a noble sacrifice to save another...death takes many forms, and yet, it stirs us every time! You might say that in death, a story truly comes alive. I want you all to tap into that raw emotion...and enact for me, a  _death scene!"_

He clapped his hands again before rubbing them together in glee, clearly loving every moment of this particular soliloquy.

"It can be anything you want: a gentle passage into the next world, a glorious death in the final confrontation, perhaps you're a villain on your deathbed and for some reason have decided to start explaining your backstory and motivation to the hero,  _the sky's the limit, chaps!_ I'll give you all a moment to get partnered up first. Afterwards, you'll brainstorm a quick outline, and then, at last, you shall  _take to the stage_! Now, get paired up, everyone!"

A modicum of hope squeezed in next to Pyra's constant dread over this entire class. Death scenes were pretty  _neutral_ all things considered. They  _could_ be romantic, sure. But they were being given free reign to make it whatever they wanted, which, in Pyra's mind, was a  _strictly_ platonic affair. She would be sad Rex was dead in a general sort of "what a shame" way. Or he'd be sad about her. They'd work on the details. What  _mattered_ was that nothing in this lesson plan said she had to cradle him in her arms and tenderly give him one last kiss as his hand slowly goes limp in hers, while Professor Von Genbu loudly cries and sniffles into a tablecloth-sized handkerchief.

She was so glad. Now they'd get to just work together in a nice, wholesome way. No awkwardness. No weird demands. Just her, and Rex, and the intrusive mental comments on how cute and nice he was, and sweet, and considerate, and now that she was thinking about it she sort of liked that Leftherian accent and okay  _maybe_ she needed to slam the brakes on this before her burgeoning crush crushed all hopes of having a coherent conversation with him. Oh well, almost perfect.

She peeked over at Rex, who, judging from his expression, was just as relieved as her.

"So...you wanna work together again?" he asked, turning towards her. "Then again, he'd probably just yell at us until we did anyway."

"Maybe, but...well, I want to work with you either way," Pyra said with a nod, "It'll be fun! Hopefully. So long as he doesn't make us...do anything."

Neither of them wanted to contemplate the many possibilities lurking in those words. Or say any of them outloud. They settled for exchanging Meaningful Glances with each other. They knew. They both knew.

"Hey, who am I working with, anyway?" Mythra said. "There's nobody next to us, and you're looking pretty happy with your boyfriend there, so-"

"H-he's  _not my boyfriend!"_ Pyra interrupted, her voice frantic as she jerked closer to Mythra. She could hear Rex stuttering in protest somewhere behind her as well.

"Okay, seriously, if you're gonna keep showing up to  _this_ class, with  _this guy,"_ Mythra jerked a thumb towards Professor Von Genbu, "You've  _really_ gotta used to that kinda joke."

Pyra slumped back in her chair, the nervous fidgeting making an unwelcome comeback.

"F-fine...But, um...maybe we could be a group of three."

" _Pass._ I'm gonna get enough of you guys being weird and awkward on Friday."

"W-We're not weird and awk-" Pyra sighed, deciding it was best to just give up. Mythra was clearly in One of Those Moods. She looked past Mythra to the rest of the aisle. There was one girl, sitting alone at the opposite end. It didn't seem like she had a partner, either, so she seemed like a pretty good candidate.

"Anyway. What about her?" she said, pointing towards the girl. Mythra swivelled round to look at her potential partner, with Rex joining the pair.

At first glance she seemed fairly normal. Just a short girl with similarly short, white hair. The bright yellow hoodie being paired with identically coloured-jeans were a bit odd, but hey, everyone's got their tastes. Some people's just happened to be looking like a human banana.

She did, however, appear to be wearing a headband with rather prominient cat ears attached to them. She must have been quite particular about them too, since the colour on the ears was an exact match to her hair colour. She lifted a paw up to scratch her nose. It took Pyra a moment to mentally correct this to "hands," but the girl's cat-paw shaped gloves had kind of thrown her off a little.

Mythra turned back to glare at Pyra.

"Oh no. No way. I'm not working with a furry."

"Don't be mean, Mythra, there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their hobbies."

"Isn't there?  _Isn't there?"_ She shot a glare at Rex. "Help me out here, dude, she's throwing me to the wolves. Or the catgirls. She's  _throwing me, Rex."_

"Everyone has their hobbies, Mythra," he repeated with a shrug. "Besides, maybe she just likes cats a whole lot."

"Yeah, sure, likes them so much she dresses up as one," She sighed, folding her arms in defeat, "Whatever. You guys owe me for making me work with a furry."

"There's nothing wrong with furries, Mythra," Pyra said in a serious tone. Not the kind of firm stance she was expecting to take today, but sometimes you had to stand up for what was right.

"We'll see," Mythra said, rising to her feet with a sullen expression and dragging herself towards her new feline-themed friend.

"Have fun!" Pyra called out to her. Mythra flipped her off without looking back at her.

"I hope she doesn't make fun of that girl," she said quietly.

"Hey, you never know. Maybe they'll get on pretty well," Rex said. Pyra smiled a little at that. Rex really was always searching for the bright side to everything, even if Mythra's attitude was doing its best to stand in front of it and keep everything gloomy. It was honestly one of his more endearing qualities.

Luckily, Professor Von Genbu started up another round of applause before "endearing" could lurch towards any of the more affectionate words in her vocabulary.

"Right, everyone paired off? I trust you've all picked the  _perfect partner_ ," he said, staring directly at Pyra and Rex again. Pyra bravely met his gaze for exactly one second before crumbling and staring at her desk instead. Taking this as confirmation that they were together, Professor Von Genbu carried on.

"Before I let you crack on with your brainstorming sessions, though, I felt you could use some...inspiration. Get a demo of some  _real acting._  Brace yourselves, class, for  _the Zekenator_ shall take to the stage to show you how it's done."

He placed his hands on his hips with a smirk, taking another moment to let this exciting opportunity sink in for everyone. It sank in very quietly.

"Now, you might be thinking, 'oh, come now, Professor, even the stage's brightest stars can't handle a two-man job as a solo act'. Well, chaps, you're quite right. And that is why..." he said, pausing to ratchet up the tension.

Pyra noticed, for the first time, that there was some rustling going on behind the stage right curtain.

"...I have brought along a partner of my own. Not just any partner, mind you." His voice lowered. He must have wanted them to take this part  _deadly_ seriously. "She is more than just a colleague, far,  _far_ more precious to me than simply a fellow actor. No, my friends, she is my  _soulmate."_

"D'you think  _she_ knows that, or...?" Rex pondered.

"I...hope so," Pyra said. Given his attitude towards her and Rex, it wasn't entirely out of the question for Zeke to have invented an entirely fictional romance for  _himself._

"Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the love of my life! The lightbulb illuminating the darkness of my soul! Behold, my beautiful wife... _PANDORIA!"_ he finished, bellowing her name with a voice full of earsplitting passion.

"His  _what?!"_ Pyra and Rex exclaimed in unison.

A green-haired figure clad in a lab coat emerged from behind the curtain, strutting out onto the stage with supreme confidence, thumbs pointing to herself as she shouted "AYYYYYYY," to the world at large.

Pyra's mouth hung open. She didn't even need to look at Rex to know his was probably catching flies right alongside hers.

Professor Von Genbu was  _married._ This woman had  _married him._

_How._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to.....THE PANDORIA ZONE......things will only become shitpostier from here.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pandoria is a gremlin and Pyra's worries deepen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's that?? "seven month gap???" nahhh i only posted the last chapter yesterday, it's all good.
> 
> i don't know what to tell ya, procrastination is some bullshit. most of the next chapter is actually already written (because it was originally all one massive chapter but i split it up to stop it becoming An Actual Monster) so theoretically updates won't take...seven whole months, in the future.
> 
> please enjoy the return of this shitpost

 

Professor Von Genbu was married.

_Married._

Pyra's mind was in utter shambles as it tried to reconcile "Professor Von Genbu is  _married"_ with "Professor Von Genbu is a loud man in an eyepatch and trenchcoat who looks and talks like he's in one of Mythra's fun video games about spiky-haired boys." It seemed impossible. Completely impossible.

And yet, there she was. The undeniable proof that someone had  _actually decided to marry him_ , standing right next to him. He was beaming with an intense smugness that strongly reminded Pyra of whenever Mythra got called up for show-and-tell days as a kid, where she would immediately whip out one of her cool robot toys like it was a priceless holy artefact that just so happened to come with a really big sword. 

It was a face that screamed "look upon what I have and you don't and _despair_ ," although Mythra's robots usually didn't have the exact same expression, as if they were _equally_ as proud of her. Not since she'd banned Pyra from trying to paint smiley faces on them, anyway.

Pyra gawked at the green-haired, spectacle-wearing woman, her buttoned-up lab coat contrasting sharply with her husband's dark trenchcoat in both colour and adherence to staff dress codes. Although, Pandoria's collar did seem to be a bit  _taller_ than the industry standard, rising so high that it was constantly at risking of clipping her round the ears.

Her...very long, pointy ears. Strikingly  _elfesque_ , some might say.

A less generous person might have concluded that Pandoria was a weirdo who went around dressed as a Science Elf. Pyra wanted to believe that just because Pandoria appeared to be a Science Elf, that didn't mean she was weird.

Then she had spoken.

"What's popping, nerds?" she said, arms lifted upwards and spread wide like this stunning opener was worthy of a standing ovation. Nobody informed her of what, if anything, was popping. So little was popping that Pandoria may as well have greeted a room full of untouched bubblewrap.

Pyra noted, with some worry, that this was awfully similar to what happened just about every time Professor Von Genbu addressed the class. Things were already starting to make far too much sense.

"So, how you guys liking Zeke? Really puts the Tantal in tantalising, huh?"

She met the uncomfortable silence with a knowing grin. She was probably fluent in reading uncomfortable silences at this point.

"Too awestruck to speak, huh? Don't worry, guys, I get it. Sure, he might be kinda weird. And a dumbass. And he sweats  _way_ too much in that coat..."

Professor Von Genbu didn't say anything, although Pyra couldn't help but notice his grin getting slightly more strained with each insult.

"But hey, he's got big dick energy, and that's all that matters," Pandoria said with a concerning amount of confidence, striding closer to her husband and tapping his nearest chest muscle with the back of her hand in thirsty appreciation, restoring his smile to full smugness.

Pyra had never heard that term before. She wasn't entirely sure what properties that sort of energy held, other than very efficiently reddening her face. Regardless, she hoped she'd never have to hear it again.

"Thank you, Pandy, very eloquently put," Professor Von Genbu said. He placed a hand on her shoulder, which, now that Pyra was focusing on it, she realized was jutting up considerably higher than most shoulders, the fabric of her labcoat stretching around it.

It was a strange, almost cylindrical bulge that suggested to Pyra that she wasn't just wearing some thick shoulder pads. Which raised the question of _what,_ exactly, she was stretching that innocent piece of fabric to breaking point with.

Professor Ven Genbu turned to face the class, hand still firmly gripped on Pandoria's mysterious shoulder-bulge.

"Well, everybody,  _this_ is Pandoria. My loving wife, my eternal muse, the beautiful mother of our darling turtle son..." He paused, shooting her a look, "Notice how I'm  _complimenting_ her, to show my appreciation for her many qualities and stunning hotness."

"Hey, I said you were hot, too."

"Fair point," he said with a solemn nod, "Now, you all just sit back and watch two  _masters of the craft_ at work, eh? Ready, Pandy?"

Pandoria looked up at Professor Von Genbu, her hands moving towards the buttons on her lab coat.

"Sure, sure. Hey, you want me to take this off?"

"Hah! If I had a hundred gold for every time you asked me  _that_ on a Friday night!"

"Ooh, nice," Pandoria said, giving him a knowing grin and firing off a single finger-gun in his direction. "You want it off or not, though?"

"Well, no point letting Mark Two of your costume go to waste, eh?" he replied, patting the increasingly suspicious shoulder-lump.

"Eh, you're right. I worked  _way_ too hard on this thing to not show it off," she said, shaking his hand off and beginning to unbutton her lab coat. Professor Von Genbu wandered off behind the stage left curtain as she did so.

Just as it began to fall open, Pandoria grabbed hold of a sleeve, and in a single, fluid, and almost certainly painstakingly practised motion, flung the coat to the side.

And in that moment, Pyra fully understood.

She snuck a glance at Rex, who happened to be sneaking his own glance at her, thus ruining any chance at stealth either of them might have been hoping for. Their eyes met for a split second, both wide with dread. They were the eyes of those haunted by a terrible, yet undeniable truth.

There were  _two_ of him now.

Pandoria was standing before them, arms flung open, inviting the world to feast their eyes upon her impeccable fashion, an entire buffet of inspired clothing choices.

It was exactly the outfit one would expect the kind of person who would willingly marry Professor Von Genbu to be wearing. A disaster, but one that has been carefully aimed to cause destruction in very precise areas.

While every individual piece of the outfit was...quite the sight to behold, from the purple gloves, to the dark knee-high boots accented by mauve love hearts, to the inexplicable combination of a pair of shorts with the hem meticulously cut into diamonds alongside about a quarter of a layered, frilly skirt, each segment yet another new shade of purple, it was really the shirt that was the star of the show.

It was, Pyra thought, a very cute shirt, especially the little frills and ribbons towards the bottom. However, it was also split about as wide as Professor von Genbu's coat and showing off just as much cleavage, although his was more ample. It was giving Pyra far more of an insight into Pandoria's underwear choices than she typically expected or wanted from her educators. Pandoria had decided to top it off with a tiny necktie, extending barely a couple of inches downwards from her neck, perhaps to add a touch of professionalism to the ensemble.

And, at last, Pyra found her answer to What Was Going On With Those Shoulders.

They were a pair of large lightbulbs with holes for her arms to slide through.

Well, of course.

They were clearly real lightbulbs as well- the circuitry inside them was too complex, too carefully wired  _around_ the arm-hole for them to just be props. Pandoria must have been quite a skilled engineer to create them, and like many scientists before her, she had never stopped to consider  _if_ she should invent something, merely if she  _could._

Pyra's eyes shifted from her and over to Professor Von Genbu, who had just emerged from behind the curtain, a massive prop sword- Pyra  _hoped_ it was a prop, anyway- laced with glowing blue lines resting across his shoulders.

It really did make far too much sense, once you saw them both standing together in their full costumes.

Professor Von Genbu had already given off the vibe of someone who handmade his own clothes because the fashion industry had disappointed him at every turn, shunning his vision of a future where you swapped out your shirt for more belts. Pandoria's... _eclectic_ wardrobe could only have been borne of similar circumstances. She was a woman who knew what she wanted- cleavage, booty shorts (Pyra was with her on this, but unlike Pandoria, she had been convinced Tantal was too cold for them) and a fragment of a skirt, and had never gotten it.

In other words, they were kindred spirits. And Professor Von Genbu having a kindred spirit was a very dangerous thing indeed.

They did look kind of cool like that, though. Especially with the sword.

Pyra's ears picked up a faint " _what the fuck how did he make it glow"_ from Mythra's direction. She gave a quiet sigh of disappointment. It had taken her sister all of five minutes to start swearing in front of her new friend. She could be so  _rude._

Approaching Pandoria and placing the tip of the sword on the ground, leaning slightly on it, Professor Von Genbu gave her outfit an approving once-over.

"Looking good, Pandy! I see you've finally nailed the cleavage ratio!"

Pandoria gave the vast gulf where No Shirt Dared To Tread a self-congratulatory pat.

"Hey, gotta match what you're showing off, right? And that's not all- check this out," she said, holding up her phone. After a few quick taps, the lightbulbs on her shoulders began emitting a dim glow, proving they were, in fact, fully functional. Professor von Genbu let out an appreciative 'ooh' at the sight.

" _Very_ nice! And there's no danger of you electrocuting yourself?"

"Probably not."

"Ah well, close enough," Professor von Genbu said before turning towards the students, hefting his sword back onto his shoulder. With his free hand, he gestured towards his students. "Now then...shall we give them a taste of some  _real_ acting?"

Pandoria smirked, nodding in response.

"That's what I'm here for."

Professor Von Genbu let out a short laugh and planted his hand on his hip, grinning at his captive audience. Without so much as a glance towards him, Pandoria mirrored his pose precisely, right down to replicating the exact same insufferable grin.

" _Let's do this!"_ they shouted in perfect unison.

Pyra didn't really know what to make of this. Under normal circumstances she probably would have found it kind of sweet that they seemed to be so naturally in sync with each other. Right now, she mostly just felt very worried that Professor Von Genbu had managed to find  _anyone_ he was even half this compatible with.

The pair froze in place for a moment, an uncharacteristic silence falling between them. It was...oddly tense. Professor von Genbu being quiet was just  _unnatural._ Pyra's fingers involuntarily gripped onto her desk.

Then, with no warning, he launched into an ear-rattling yell of pain, collapsing onto one knee and leaning on his sword for support. Pyra jolted a little in her seat at the sudden noise. She took some comfort in hearing the rattle of Rex's seat and knowing that he'd been caught off guard by it, too.

"M-My prince?!" Pandoria exclaimed, grabbing hold of her fallen husband. With a wave of his arm, Professor von Genbu shook her off.

"Run...Pandy...Save yourself..." he choked out, a harsh cough following his words. Her eyes widened in shock, her hands trembling and reaching out towards him.

"W-what...? My prince, y-you can't be serious! C'mon, get up! We have to go!"

He shook his head slowly, a sad smile on his lips.

"I'm sorry, Pandy, but...I'm afraid I...can't join you. Just...go. I'll hold them off."

Rex gave Pyra a light nudge.

"Uh, is it just me, or is this kinda...good?"

"I know...they're  _actually_ good actors," Pyra said with a degree of disbelief. They  _were_ good. Loud, and not particularly subtle, but  _good._ They knew how to draw you into their performance, make you  _believe_ in their doomed romance. Pandoria calling him her Prince only enhanced it for her, images of a fairy tale love ripped asunder by tragedy conjuring in her mind.

Truth be told, the raw emotion of the scene was starting to get to her. There was just something about sacrificing yourself to protect someone you loved that seemed so  _romantic._ It really resonated with her in a way she couldn't quite explain. Copying what Professor von Genbu and Pandoria were doing might seem like blatant plagiarism, but she still kind of wanted to ask Rex if they could do a scene like that,  _maybe_ slot "love" out for "I like you a lot" to be on the safe side.

"No, I...I can't! I'm not leaving you, my Prince! There's no one else as hunky as you! I'd rather die than live without your sexy abs!" Pandoria wailed, clinging to Professor von Genbu.

Pyra let out a quiet "oh" of disappointment, deflating in her seat. She wasn't sure she'd appreciate it very much if the person she loved, who coincidentally was being played by Rex in this scenario, started telling her she was too hot to die.

Professor von Genbu let out a low chuckle.

"And I'd sooner die than see an inch of your radiant beauty and unfathomable hotness come to harm, Pandy..." He looked up at her, his hand cupping the side of her face and gently stroking it. "Please, Pandy...live...live, and be hot...for me..."

"My Prince...my hot, muscular Prince..." Pandoria murmured, every word growing shakier and shakier. With an agonized expression, she leaned in closer to him, pressing her lips against his in a deep kiss- the last one they'd ever share.

They held it for five seconds.

Then for ten seconds.

Then for fifteen.

To be fair, if it was a last kiss, you'd probably want to make the most of it.

After what Pyra had hoped was the entire duration of the lesson but was actually just twenty deeply awkward seconds that her mind had hyper-extended into five hundred years of suffering, Pandoria pulled away from Professor Von Genbu, her eyes shimmering with love. Reciprocating his caress with one of her own, and with a single stage whisper of "later, hot stuff," she ran away from him, disappearing behind the curtain.

Professor von Genbu rose to his feet, his movements slow and clumsy. Still hunched over, he hefted his sword and brandished it, though his arms were sagging, struggling to properly wield it.

"Come on, then...Who wants a piece!?" he bellowed at his imaginary assailants, summoning what was left of his strength into a heavy swing. His sword hit the ground with a slightly underwhelming thud. Expertly molded foam swords could only take a scene so far.

Professor von Genbu chose to ignore his dramatic gravitas being undermined, holding his pose in silence for a few seconds. Eventually, he rose, an expectant look on his face.

Pyra and Rex both gave him a modest round of applause. Their performance did deserve at least  _some_ praise- the content notwithstanding, they could act. A few others in the class gave him similarly light claps. Mythra was not among them.

Satisfied with this- presumably because he got any applause to begin with- Professor von Genbu grinned and beckoned Pandoria to come back out with a wave of his hand. Once she'd returned to his side, she gave a quick bow, basking in whatever spare applause she could steal from him.

"Thank you, thank you! I'm glad at least  _some_ of you have some taste!" Professor von Genbu said, a tinge of bitterness sneaking into his tone. "Well, now that you've seen the gold standard, it's time to take your own stab at it. I'll give you all ten minutes to prepare, and then..." Slinging the sword across his shoulders and bringing a hand up to its favourite spot, splayed just in front of his eye, his tone grew darker. "...We shall see how you fare, in the face of death!"

"Don't forget, you gotta make it as heartwrenching as ours, okay? I want  _tears_ , people!" Pandoria added.

Pyra decided then and there that she was more than willing to disappoint her teachers if it meant she didn't have to go anywhere near the vocabulary they'd just been using.

"So, you got any ideas?" Rex asked, "'Cause I was thinking we should probably do something a little less...uh...weird."

Pyra gave a firm nod in response.

"I was thinking we could do something a  _little_ similar. Just...maybe without the, um...weirdness, yes."

Rex smiled in relief.

"Wanna get started, then?"

Over the course of the next ten minutes, Pyra and Rex managed to throw together something resembling a coherent outline for their scene. Admittedly, it wasn't particularly well-thought out. Pyra wasn't entirely clear on  _how_ or  _why_ she was dying, and they had no idea  _where_ they were. 

Rex had gotten about half-way through explaining the very poignant talk someone would have to give him in order for him to accept her sacrifice before Pyra had reminded him that this was a two-person performance. Neither of them had any concrete dialogue prepared, instead settling for vague ideas of what they should be saying. And, of course, the exact relationship between their characters had simply been left as "they're close, I suppose," although Pyra had quietly chosen to interpret her role as deeply romantic.

Rex would not be privy to this information. It was purely a personal reading of the scene on her part. For no one else's ears. Least of all his.

All in all, the scene was...very, very far from perfect. Some might have called it "pretty incoherent." But it'd do. Its flaws notwithstanding, it had been strategically prepared to be the least embarrassing version of this scene they could perform, and that was worth the loss in quality.

"Alright, everyone, I think you've had enough time!" Professor von Genbu announced with a sharp clap. "Let's get right to it, shall we?"

He pointed towards the class, his finger wavering from pair to pair.

"For our first pair, how about..."

Pyra felt her chest tighten a little from nerves. Her and Rex were probably about as prepared as they'd ever be, and they were pretty sure they'd minimized any damage to their dignity Professor von Genbu could deal, but still...the prospect of going first was nerve-wracking.

"You!" Professor von Genbu yelled, his finger pointing mercifully far away from her and Rex.

Pyra let out a sigh of relief, as did Rex. At least they wouldn't have to go first.

Unfortunately, when she peered over to see who he'd chosen, it turned out to be Mythra and her partner, which was kind of worse.

Neither of them looked particularly pleased to have been chosen. She supposed she couldn't blame them, but Mythra really didn't need to be scowling quite so much.

The pair of them rose from their seats and made their way on stage. Mythra seemed determined to drag this process out as long as she could. Her steps were the heavy, sullen stomps of a child who's just been told they can't have pudding because they didn't eat their vegetables, a sight Pyra hadn't seen since at least last Friday.

Her partner wasn't going much faster, although she did keep nudging Mythra and telling her to "just bloody get it over with," so at least she was trying a little harder.

Eventually, they arrived on the stage, Mythra alternating between glaring at Professor Von Genbu with open resentment, and at his sword in palpable envy. Her partner just stuck to the resentment.

"Right then, chaps! Your names?" Professor von Genbu said, gleefully breezing past their obvious irritation.

"Mythra," she grunted.

"Nia," her partner said flatly.

"Well, Mythra, Nia, I hope you've got a good show ready for us. Take it away!" he said, walking off to the side to give them more room, with Pandoria following close behind.

Mythra looked over at Nia and shrugged half-heartedly.

Nia looked over at Mythra and shrugged quarter-heartedly.

Enthusiasm aside, at least they were more or less on the same page.

After a brief pause, Nia collapsed to the ground. Well, 'collapsed' was a fairly generous embellishment on Pyra's part- it was more like she just slowly sat down at an awkward angle. While holding onto her cat ears, presumably to keep them from sliding off.

Her grievous injury sustained, Nia said "aaaaaaahhh" in a slow, level tone, her agony apparently unbearable but not worth making too much of a fuss over.

"Oh no. I can't believe it. I can't believe Nia is dead. Who could've guessed a lifetime of being a weirdo furry would be the end of her?" Mythra droned, looking down at her with a blank expression.

"I knew she'd be mean about her hobbies," Pyra muttered with a sigh.

"Maybe she knows Mythra's just joking around?" Rex said, offering some shaky hope.

"Don't act like you've got any room to talk, ya bloody nerd."

"Or...not," he said, his hope succumbing to its shaky fate and falling to the ground in a deflated pile.

Mythra folded her arms, glancing away from Nia.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about-"

"Right, right, that giant robot you have as your phone wallpaper's a  _total_ coincidence then. You draw that yourself? I don't recognize it from anything."

"Shut it. Dying catgirls don't talk about robots."

Nia rolled her eyes and let out another unconvincing yell of pain, clutching onto her stomach in a way that more suggested she'd eaten some undercooked chicken than been mortally wounded.

"Oh, Mythra, I'm dyin' here."

"What a shame," Mythra said, shrugging. "Going to the big furry convention in the sky."

"Better than goin' to the big anime convention in the sky."

"I'll make sure everyone at your funeral's wearing a fursuit. It's what you would've wanted. No dogs, though, right?"

"My dyin' wish is for you to do the eulogy in a fursuit, too. I got one made up for you and everything," Nia said, grinning up at her half-assed mourner.

"Go to hell, furball," Mythra replied, prodding Nia with her foot before walking off the stage.

"I'll be waitin' there for you!" Nia called out after her.

For a moment, Pyra wasn't sure if this was genuinely what their scene was meant to be or if they'd just completely gone off their own shoddily built rails and started bickering. Then Mythra had walked all the way back to her and Rex, flopped down in her seat, folded her arms and pouted. She was pretty sure you weren't allowed to do that, even if Professor von Genbu hadn't actually  _said_ you couldn't.

Strangely, he didn't seem to mind. He looked over at Mythra, then at Nia, who was grumbling as she got to her feet, giving them each an impressed smile and a quick round of applause.

"Jolly good effort, chaps! Unusual angle, going for such an antagonistic tone, but I'd say it paid off! And I must say, for amateurs, your acting was quite impressive. Why, I totally bought into Mythra's complete disgust at your hobbies, Nia!"

"Me too," Nia said bitterly.

" _Incredibly_ convincing stuff. Very well done. Maybe a little short, but still, very good," he continued, throwing a thumbs up Mythra's way. She glared at him like she was hoping she could psychically slice that thumb off.

"Now then, let's get the next pair on stage!" he said, unceremoniously ushering Nia off the stage like she'd won an award for her stunning debut performance and then let her acceptance speech drag on too long. She quickly made her way back to the seats, this time choosing to park herself next to Mythra, rather than at her original spot. They almost immediately devolved into quietly bickering over their scene. Mythra made three derogatory statements about cats within ten seconds.

Pyra wanted to chastise her for her unnecessary rudeness again. Unfortunately for her, now that his previous victims were safely in their seats, Professor Von Genbu had once again pointed towards the class. Any pretence at this being a random selection swiftly died when his finger immediately slid towards Pyra and Rex, like it was magnetically drawn to awkwardness. He probably thought he was being very sly by waiting through one whole performance before picking them.

"Come on down, you two! It's your time to shine once again!" he yelled, waving towards the stage.

Pyra fought the urge to start sinking as low as she could into her chair. It seemed their time had come.

She could only hope it went better than last time.

_   
  


 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyra and Rex return to the stage of their nightmares, and Pyra is made an offer she probably should refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said this chapter was mostly written when i published the last one and it still took.....a month to finish up, whoops. it's still a pretty long one though.

It was Pyra and Rex's turn to come up on stage.

This fact was causing Pyra a great deal of anxiety, and she figured it wasn't going to go away any time soon.

It was unavoidable. She knew that, really. Whether they were second or tenth, in the end they'd have had to go up there eventually.

But still.  _Still._

Even if her and Rex had carefully constructed their scene into a masterfully crafted suit of Professor Von Genbu-proof armour, that didn't mean there wasn't a chance he'd still find the tiniest gap in it to poke at them.

She turned to Rex, her brow furrowed.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I guess," he said without much enthusiasm. "At least it can't be as bad as last time, right?"

"I hope so," she replied with a forced smile.

Rising from their seats, they both made their way to the stage at a somewhat faster pace than Mythra and Nia had mustered. Not because they were particularly eager to perform, more just because they didn't want to delay the inevitable any more than necessary.

When they arrived, Professor Von Genbu's visible eye lit up in delight as he stepped forward to greet them.

"Hello again, you two!" he chirped, beaming at them.

Rex waved weakly at him. Pyra mouthed a quiet "hello" back.

"I hope you've cooked up a good helping of heartbreak for us, because let me tell you, I am  _starving_ !" He gave his stomach a quick rub for emphasis.

"Don't forget to jerk a few tears as well! We'll be pretty thirsty. Gotta wash it down, y'know?" Pandoria interjected, sliding up next to him. She was giving Pyra and Rex an evaluating once-over as she spoke. Professor Von Genbu must have already told her about them.

"Uh...right," Rex said reluctantly.

"We'll...do our best," Pyra added.

"Well, let's get on with it then, shall we? Take it away!" said Professor Von Genbu. He and Pandoria both took a couple of steps backwards to give them some space.

Taking a deep breath to try and gather whatever nerves she could grab hold of, Pyra shared a glance of acknowledgement with Rex.

She then turned and walked away from him.

And kept walking until she reached the opposite edge of the stage.

This was the lynchpin of their plan. The entire scene hinged on the idea that neither of them were anywhere close to each other. There was a gap between them. Its length and precise nature was largely undefined, but the second it was called attention to, it would become a completely insurmountable obstacle. Professor Von Genbu couldn't demand a tender embrace as they bade farewell, for one last loving stroke of the cheek in their final moments together, for  _any kissing whatsoever._

It simply couldn't be done. They were very far away from each other and there was a big hole in the floor. Crossing it was out of the question, too. That would compromise the integrity of the scene, and they figured Professor Von Genbu would reluctantly choose Art over egging their hypothetical relationship on. Every other element of their scene was something of a mess, but  _this one specific aspect_ had been calculated down to its last detail. It was completely bulletproof.

Pyra snuck a look at Professor Von Genbu. He already seemed faintly disappointed at the gap between them. The plan was working perfectly.

She nodded towards Rex, who gave her a thumbs up in return before scrunching his face up in dismay, quickly slipping into character.

"Pyra, what're you doing?" he called out, his tone accidentally sounding more curious than desperately pleading. She looked down, unable to meet his gaze.

"Um. Sorry, Rex. You...should probably run away from here. I, um...I need to..."

Pyra paused and tried to actually come up with a 'why' for this entire scenario, for some kind of justification, no matter how flimsy. Her mind began smashing together random keywords to see if they sounded good, like she'd given up on trying to solve a jigsaw properly and was just jamming pieces together until something stuck. Soon enough, her eyes lit up as she grasped the corner piece of Inspiration.

Now she knew  _exactly_ where they were.

A crumbling space station falling toward Alrest that would cause untold devastation to the world- and also Rex, this was important- unless she blew it up and sent the debris flying off into space instead. Rex had to get out of the blast radius in an escape pod, but he would be very distressed at the fact that he was going to end up hogging both seats. A slightly convoluted scenario, sure, but she wasn't about to demand a simpler burst of inspiration when she was under this kind of time pressure. The important thing was you couldn't hang around someone who was about to blow up without it being a little hazardous to your health.

"I have to...blow up the...core?" Pyra nodded to herself. That sounded about right. "Yeah, the core...From the inside. Or else we'll...um...crash into Alrest. Which would be bad. I'm sorry, Rex, it's the only way. I have to do this."

Rex stared at her in blank confusion for a moment before giving a small shrug of acceptance. She supposed her sudden decision to pivot to a sci-fi setting would be a little hard for him to follow, but she felt it was better than their previous creative decision to have No Setting Whatsoever. At least he seemed to just be rolling with it now.

"No, you...don't," he said in a very convincing deadpan.

"I...do, actually," Pyra countered, "I have to do it. From over here. In this room. It's definitely the only way."

"Is it really?"

"Y-yes."

"What if I went with you?" Rex suggested, like he was offering to keep her company while she bought some groceries.

"No," she said, "No, I really ought to do this by myself. Sorry."

"Oh. You'll be fine, right?"

"Um...no. Probably not. I'm...going to explode, I think."

Pyra was keenly aware that they weren't exactly selling the kind of unbreakable bond that would make her willing to sacrifice herself for him with this performance. Right now they weren't even pulling off being convincing acquaintances. The sad part was she was actually trying her best, and she suspected Rex was as well. She had to hand it to Professor Von Genbu and Pandoria, strange though they were. They really made this whole "acting" thing look much easier than it was.

Another quick look their way revealed that the pair were whispering to each other as they watched. Pandoria's words were broken up every now and then by a brief snort of laughter at their woeful acting. Professor Von Genbu, for his part, looked considerably less amused. He was clearly using every ounce of his will power trying not to say anything, his face set in a grimace of deeply pained restraint.

Rex, meanwhile, frowned at Pyra a little harder. Crying on demand was considerably outside of his skillset as an actor, so just Looking Slightly Sadder would have to do. He stretched an arm out towards her rather limply.

"But, Pyra-"

"Just go, Rex! You'll be fine without me!"

"I don't think I will!"

"Wh-Why not?"

"You're kind of...dying!"

"Oh! Um...Don't worry about it! You'll be okay!"

"I mean, if you say so!"

"I do! It's fine! I'm fi-okay I'm...not fine," Pyra said, remembering her own impending doom, "But  _you'll_ be fine! Trust me, Rex!"

Rex attempted to pull an expression of conflicted agony, but mostly just looked like he was trying to decide what toppings he wanted on his pizza. At last, though, he nodded in acceptance of her fate.

"Okay, I'm gonna go! But I'm not all that happy about it!" he called out, making sure to give her one last grimace before slowly walking down the stairs just behind him. He ducked towards the curtain and out of Pyra's view to make his escape marginally more convincing.

Pyra stood and watched the curtain for several silent, uncomfortable seconds. Soon enough, Rex reappeared, walking back on stage with a slightly sheepish expression. She couldn't really blame him for how awkward he looked. It was hard to make walking off-stage and then walking straight back on again look particularly smooth or natural, especially for a pair of dismal amateurs like them.

Even once Rex had returned the silence lingered, only being broken by Pandoria's unrelenting snorting. Professor Von Genbu repeatedly glanced at the both of them expectantly, his head swiveling back and forth between them. Pyra raised a hand to her mouth with a quiet "oh!" as she realized that Professor Von Genbu must've been waiting for them to continue.

"Oh, um...our scene is over now, Professor."

" _Over_ ? Really?" he exclaimed, making zero effort to hide his disappointment. 

Pyra simply nodded in response, an apologetic frown on her lips. Professor Von Genbu looked like he was ready to demand an epilogue to their thrilling tale, but he forced it down and attempted a smile instead.

"Right, well...That was certainly an... _interesting_ scene, chaps. Very...uniquely delivered," he said, trying to strike a diplomatically vague tone.

"That sucked ass, guys," Pandoria chimed in.

Professor Von Genbu chose not to comment on her review. The fact that he was very obviously struggling to keep a straight face, his mouth rapidly twitching upwards into a barely contained smirk, made it quite clear he didn't disagree.

" _As I was saying,_ I certainly wouldn't have expected a science fiction setting, so, uh...points for that, eh?" he said smoothly.

Pyra could tell he was stretching for a compliment so hard he was in danger of pulling a muscle. She suspected he wasn't going to be able to keep it up much longer, either.

"But, if I were to make one  _tiny_ nitpick..."

Her suspicions had proven true.

"What's with the distance?" He turned to Rex, gesturing urgently towards Pyra. "This is a heartwrenching farewell, chum! She's going to her death and you're shouting across the room at her?! This could be- no, it  _is_ the last time you'll ever see her! You should  _go_ to her and-"

"Oh, he, uh...can't."

Pyra had been prepared for this. Professor Von Genbu swivelled back round to face her, eye blazing with indignation.

"What?! Why not?!"

"There's, um...a broken bridge. He can't reach me," she explained with a wave of her arm towards the stage in front of her, and the impassable divide it had created between her and Rex. Professor Von Genbu glared at the floorboards as if he was personally offended by their presence.

"That's a bit of a defeatist attitude, isn't it?" He turned towards Rex. "Come on, can't you...cross the gap with a grappling hook or something? Have one last tragic moment together before you tearfully leave, that sort of thing?" he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the floor.

Rex shrugged and placed a hand atop his right wrist, miming the act of firing off some kind of arm-mounted rope. He held the pose for a few seconds, giving everyone enough time to pretend that the rope had shot out, and then fallen uselessly into the imaginary abyss before him.

"It's too short," he said blandly.

"Oh, you're just saying that!" Professor Von Genbu pouted. "It could be long enough if you wanted it to be! You don't even  _need_ this gap, you know. It's completely unnecessary!"

"Actually, it's, um...essential to the scene," Pyra blurted out. A bold challenge, albeit one that she had squeaked out with very little confidence, like a mouse attempting to critique a nearby cat's diet.

Professor Von Genbu quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Essential, is it? How so, Pyra?"

Ah. Actually answering the question. This was the tricky part.

"W-well, it's...um..."

Several more seconds passed, and Pyra's response didn't become much more eloquent in that time.

She was coming up completely empty. All her inspiration had been spent on coming up with the setting, and now all she could think of was "we did it so you'd leave us alone and  _that_ didn't happen so honestly I'm not so sure about our creative decisions either," which was probably not going to go down well. She swallowed hard, willing her brain to cough up a narrative justification-  _any_ justification, even a bad one. Just so long as she had an  _answer._

"It's...uh...-"

Still nothing. Her mind was totally blank. All she could do now was hope she could stutter for so long that she'd just run out the clock.

"Uh...isn't it sorta  _more_ tragic if I can't reach her?"

A voice rung out, cutting across her stuttering. The dulcet Leftherian tones of her saviour, her knight in slightly worn-out hoodie. Professor Von Genbu met Rex's gaze with a hum of interest at his new challenger.

"Go on," he urged, a hand already at his chin, ready to stroke in contemplation.

Rex flicked his eyes away from Professor Von Genbu, scratching the back of his head. Her saviour he may be, but it looked like Rex would be handling this rescue with about as much as confidence as she'd had.

"I-I mean, if I wanna reach her really badly...for, you know,  _reasons..._ " he said, his voice trailing off and a faint red springing up on his cheeks as he spoke. Pyra felt her own face faintly burning as she parsed out a couple of the  _reasons_ for herself. "Isn't it kinda  _worse_ if I can't? It's like, um... if it's the last time I'm ever gonna see her, and I want to be there with her, and I just...can't? Isn't that sorta sadder than if I  _could_ get over there? I guess it'd still be sad either way, though..."

Rex coughed, his feet shuffling on the spot, which probably wasn't the best way to finish his bold counter-argument. Despite that weak ending, Professor Von Genbu's fingers screeched to a halt in mid-stroke once Rex finished speaking, his eye bright and opened wide as he smiled with pride.

"That...is a good point, chum. A  _very_ good point, even."

Rex let out a quiet 'really?' at this, his mouth hanging slightly open. He leaned a little to the right, trying to look past Professor Von Genbu and towards Pyra, his tilted head and bemused expression making it clear he had no idea how this had worked. Pyra couldn't help him there. She was just glad it  _had_ worked. Mouthing a 'thank you,' she beamed at him in relief. His face grew a little redder in response, glancing away from her with a sheepish smile of his own. 

Pyra tried not to dwell on the fact that this was pretty cute.

It  _was_ . Much as she didn't want to think too hard about that right now. But she couldn't. Not when they were still in mortal peril.

Professor Von Genbu spun round to face the class, his coat swishing behind him as though hit by a dramatically convienient gust of wind. He raised his arm up and stretched it outwards, his fingers splayed as if trying to reach out and grasp at something.

"You're quite right! The anguish of separation! The crushing helplessness of wanting nothing more than to be by her side, yet knowing there's nothing you can do! Not even a final, bittersweet moment of tenderness betwixt these two ill-fated lovers!"

Professor Von Genbu's face became strained, his brow furrowing intensely until a single tear was forcibly evicted from his eye, compromising his vision even more than it usually was. He closed his outstretched hand into a tight fist, as if in a futile attempt to grab hold of his lost love. It was mostly futile because she was standing just behind him with a smirk of equal parts mockery and admiration, but Pyra supposed he wasn't going to let that get in the way of his fun.

"Oh boy, you've really set him off with this one," Pandoria said. "He's never gonna sleep tonight, y'know. He'll be too excited."

Professor Von Genbu gleefully ignored her jabs, his monologue loud and undeterred. Despite that, Pyra couldn't help but notice his arm pulling backwards for a split second before steadying itself, like he'd just managed to fight back the urge to fold his arms and huff.

"Sometimes, being denied that which we so desperately want is all the better! We, the audience, feel that very same emptiness, that longing for that which could never be! We step into the hero's shoes, truly understand the sorrow in his heart! What a fool I was to forget that simple truth!" Both his gaze and his tone lowered. "Rex, Pyra...I take it all back. I was wrong to doubt you. You two...are  _geniuses._ "

"Geniuses who can't act," Pandoria said, slightly too happily.

"Indeed. No offence, chaps, but as good as your ideas are, your acting is...frankly, rubbish. However!" he yelped, planting his heads on his hips and puffing his substantial chest out, "That's what we're here for! To take that raw, unrefined talent, and turn you into world-class actors!"

"Or at least make you, y'know, passable."

"I like to dream big, Pandy," he said, before facing Pyra and Rex again. "Nonetheless, very good work, chaps! Rough it may be, but we'll make fine thespians of you yet. Now, off you go. We've plenty more to get through," he said, motioning towards the steps nearest Pyra, who sighed in relief a little too loudly.

She turned to make her way back to her seat at the fastest walk she could manage, Rex following close behind. When they arrived a few moments later, Pyra practically collapsed into her seat, her shoulders slumping as she took a long, deep breath. Rex leaned back in his own seat, craning his neck up to stare at the ceiling with exhausted, almost empty eyes. Once a small flicker of life had returned to them, he rolled his head to the side, looking towards Pyra.

"Well, that was...awkward as hell," he said with a tired smile that Pyra quickly mirrored. "Still, could've gone a lot worse, right? We got pretty lucky."

"Yeah, it was...much better than last time," Pyra agreed. Both of them grimaced a little at the still fresh, still deeply embarrassing memories. "That explanation you gave him was really good thinking though! I don't know what would've happened without you."

Rex let out a short, nervous laugh. "Aw, c'mon, it was nothing. I'm surprised it even worked at all, honestly."

"Don't be so modest! My mind went completely blank when he asked me, you know. I couldn't think of  _anything_ to tell him. You really saved me back there, Rex," she said with a bright smile.

"O-oh, uh...thanks. I-I mean, you were a way bigger help than me! You came up with pretty much the whole idea and all, and it was actually a really good idea! Way better than anything I could've come up with, a-and, things wouldn't have gone nearly as well if it weren't for you, so...thanks, Pyra," he babbled, his fingers drumming the arm of his chair as he spoke.

Normally, Pyra would've found all his nervous rambling kind of adorable, because, well...Rex  _was_ cute. Just, you know, cute. In a casual, off-hand sort of way. Just Pyra's nice new friend who was a little bit cute, as many people are. No crushes here, not at all. 

Unfortunately,  _flustered Rex_ had some very specific nuances to him that made all that comfortable denial just vanish into thin air, leaving her with the chilling knowledge that oh gosh, oh no, he's really cute when his face is all red like that, and now  _she_ was blushing, and she'd started  _giggling_ and she really wasn't sure why _,_ and frankly this whole thing was getting totally out of hand.

Swallowing hard, she just about managed to squash down the giggling.

"I-I, um...thank you, Rex. That's...that's really nice of you to say," she said quietly, one last small laugh breaking out afterwards. "I guess we make a pretty good team, huh?"

"Uh...yeah. Yeah, I guess so," he said, his head lowering as he stared quite intensely at the floor, albeit with a small, shy smile on his face that Pyra couldn't help but return.

"Bloody hell, are they  _always_ like this?" groaned a nearby voice with a distinctive Gormotti accent.

"Pretty much. I'm still getting used to it myself, honestly. Been thinking about packing some sick bags, just in case," came the even closer voice of Mythra.

Pyra whipped round to face her sister with a pout.

"Mythra!"

She shrugged nonchalantly.

"What? I'm just being honest. You don't like it, stop being so damn sappy around each other all the time."

"We're not  _sappy!_ " Pyra said, folding her arms in indignation. 

Really, how could Mythra say something like that? They weren't sappy. Not at all. Oh, sure, they spent a lot of time blushing and not being able to look at each other, but that didn't mean anything. Totally normal thing for friends to do. Besides, she'd only spent what,  _half_ of the last three days thinking about Rex and how much she was looking forward to seeing him again whenever she wasn't around him? Mythra really was reading into this far too much.

She thought about this for a moment.

Then she thought about Rex again and had to force down a tiny, instinctive smile.

Okay, maybe that was a slightly odd reaction.

"We're not sappy..." she repeated, far quieter and with barely a tenth of her former confidence. She looked to Rex, silently pleading for some back-up on this. All she got was a half-hearted nod that told her everything she needed to know: he agreed with her, but he'd resigned himself to the knowledge that they'd never convince their tormentors that, no, they were not sappy, and no, it is  _not like that._

Mythra and Nia both smirked at her, basking in their victory. Admittedly, part of her appreciated that they were actually getting along over something instead of bickering. She just wished that thing didn't have to be making fun of her and Rex.

The remainder of the class was spent in an awkward, self-imposed silence, neither of them daring to say a word to the other out of fear of Mythra and Nia's running commentary. The best Pyra managed was the odd glance Rex's way between performances, but she still made sure to keep those brief. You never knew when Mythra would use her eye for spotting tiny details for Evil, after all.

The performances themselves largely passed by without much incident, especially compared to the saga Professor Von Genbu had turned their own scene into. Most of the students were better actors than either of them, too- not by much in some cases, but there were at least a few students with some clear talent here and there.

Well, okay, the short, rather round boy with unkempt blonde hair and slightly stained overalls, and the considerably taller, purple-haired girl in what Pyra could only interpret as a highly detailed maid cosplay, both of whom spoke with stilted, broken grammar with a strong aversion to using any kind of first-person pronouns, had been...a little unusual. But other than that, fairly typical stuff for a fresh batch of drama students.

Finally, though the lesson, and her ordeal, had come to an end. She could run free to the comfort of her culinary course, where the only thing she had to worry about was her instructor slicing his carrots with the intense, swift precision of a master swordsman rending a foe in twain with his katana. It was  _impressive,_ sure, but she was always concerned he was going to cut right through the board and into the table.

Half the class, Rex, Mythra and Nia included, had already leapt to their feet, ready to sprint towards the door and all the freedom it promised before Professor Von Genbu had even finished saying 'class dismissed.' Pyra chose to let him finish speaking before doing the same, to show a bare minimum of respect to her teacher.

The group shuffled out of the row of seats and into the aisle, ready to make their escape. Just as she was about to begin walking up the stairs to the exit, though, Pyra let out a small gasp of realization, jolting to a halt as Mythra and Nia passed by her.

She'd almost completely forgotten to ask for Rex's phone number. That thing she'd probably need, so she could actually arrange dinner plans with him. The dinner plans she'd worked very hard to convince Mythra to agree to, and there was no way she'd let that kind of chance go to waste. Especially not if it meant she could hang out with Rex.

"Hey, Rex?"

Rex, already a couple of steps ahead of her, tilted his head her way.

"Yeah?"

"Could you give me your...um..." Pyra quickly faltered as her brain caught up to what she was actually asking, and then chose to remind her of every single implication behind Asking Him For His Number.

She did her best to ignore the little voice informing her that this does, in fact, look like she's trying to ask him out on a date. She then did her best to ignore the  _other_ little voice chiming in behind it with a 'you know, you can talk to him  _all the time_ if you do this,' because  _no_ , this was  _not_ about being able to wake up every day and text him 'good morning,' maybe with a little love heart if she was feeling brave. This was for  _practical purposes_ . She wasn't going to get all worked up over what she knew was a perfectly innocuous question.

"Could you give me your phone number? It'll make meeting up on Friday a little easier," she said, just about forcing herself into a level tone. She quietly pretended that bit of clarification at the end was entirely for Rex, and certainly  _not_ for her to reassure herself with.

"Oh, yeah! I didn't even think about that." He reached into the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out his phone. His fingers swiftly danced along the screen as he brought his number up, before holding the phone out towards Pyra. "Here."

Taking it, Pyra quickly tapped Rex's number into her phone, then added her own number to his.

"Thanks," she said, returning Rex's phone with a smile. "So, see you Friday, then?"

"Friday, sure. I'm looking forward to it!" Rex replied with a wide, eager grin.

"Great! Me too," said Pyra, her own smile widening a little to match his. She couldn't help it- something about Rex's upbeat attitude was just far too infectious for her  _not_ to feel happier around him, even from an interaction as simple as this.

Simple and... _normal._ She'd asked him a question, received a satisfactory answer, they were both happy, and she'd managed to more or less keep her cool and  _not_ turn into a disastrous blushing mess. Really, things couldn't have gone more perfectly.

"Wow, you got her number already? Nice one, dude!"

Pyra whipped round to face the source of this sudden,  _very_ unwelcome interjection, only to be faced with Pandoria, her lab coat donned and safely buttoned back up again. Her lips were curled up in a knowing smirk as she flashed a thumbs up at Rex.

"H-huh?! Wait, it's not like that! We're just having dinner on Friday!" he said frantically, his eyes darting between Pandoria and Pyra, like he was pleading for her to step in and save him. Pyra opened her mouth, ready to come to his rescue, but was too slow to respond, instead being cut across by Pandoria.

"Dinner, huh? I dunno, that sounds like a date to me."

"B-but her sister's gonna be there too! We're just gonna hang out! As friends!"

Pandoria hummed, tapping her chin. "So, what, your date's got supervision? Pretty lame."

"It's  _not_ a date!" he shouted, his face flaring crimson.

"Um...Actually, I'm the one who asked for  _his_ number anyway..." Pyra said quietly, her intervention coming a little too late. Pandoria gave her a skeptical look before shrugging.

"Oh, really? Alright then." She granted Pyra her own thumbs up. "Wow, you got his number already? You go, girl!"

Pyra hung her head and wrung her hands together, her only response a quiet 'um.' A part of her regretted putting herself in the firing line, but she didn't want to just leave Rex to deal with Pandoria himself.

Pandoria let out a small snicker of triumph before stepping a little closer to Pyra.

"Actually, I gotta talk to you for a sec. Privately. Serious educational business." She glanced towards Rex, shooing him away with a wave of her hand. "You just run along, okay? I won't keep your girlfriend long."

"S-she's not my-" Rex stopped himself and sighed. At this point, Pyra was pretty sure both of them knew they weren't winning this argument. Not today, anyway. "Never mind. See you, Pyra," he said, his expression quickly softening as he looked at her- even if his face was just as red- before turning and heading up the stairs.

"Bye, Rex!" Pyra called out after him. For a few moments, she simply watched him walk away, a warm smile on her face the entire time.

If she was being honest, she was already starting to miss him a little by the time he'd walked out the door, along with most of the rest of the class, but she took some comfort in knowing it'd only be a couple more days until she'd get to see him again.

For an entire evening. Just the two of them.

And Mythra, but she'd no doubt be quite happy to spend most of the night playing video games in her room, so  _really_ it'd be just the two of them. Together. In the privacy of her own home, away from prying eyes and interfering professors.

Pyra felt her face flush lightly at the thought, her smile giving way to a quiet giggle.

Which was then responded to by a muffled, yet somehow far louder snort. She turned to look at Pandoria, whose hand was lowering away from her smirking mouth.

"You're totally into him, huh?" she said bluntly.

"Wh-what?! Of course not! He's just my friend!" Pyra protested, her face turning a far darker and considerably warmer shade of red.

Pandoria stared blankly at her, an unblinking gaze that somehow managed to ooze complete disbelief from an expressionless face. Pyra squirmed a little.

"I mean...he  _is_ very nice..." she said quietly, buckling under the weight of Those Eyes.

Pandoria continued staring, her face static.

"And...I do really enjoy his company..."

Still she stared.

"And, well, if...I'm being honest, he  _is_ ...a little cute..." she said in a barely audible whisper, the words coming out slowly and awkwardly.

Barely even a twitch on Pandoria's face.

"Okay, he's, um...he's  _really_ cute," Pyra admitted, her shoulders slumping.

Pandoria finally allowed herself to crack a satisfied smirk.

" _There_ ya go." She moved closer to Pyra, a gloved hand resting on her shoulder. "Listen...Pyra, was it? It's nothing to be embarrased about. I  _get_ it. I know what love at first sight's like."

"You do?"

"Duh. From the moment I first saw Zeke wear that eyepatch...The first time he ever called himself the Bringer of Chaos...I  _knew._ He was my Prince of Darkness, and I wanted to be his princess..." Pandoria said with a faraway look in her eyes, her mind wandering off into the Belt Dimension. 

After a few seconds of deep contemplation, she snapped back to reality.

"Anyway!"

She backed away from Pyra, and swept her hands onto her hips with a renewed grin, striking a pose that most people would've thought was just kind of goofy, but which Pyra quietly believed was actually very heroic and inspiring.

" _I_ found true love with my dumbass himbo. Now lemme help  _you_ make out with the tiny gremlin boy of your dreams."

"M-Make...make..." Pyra swallowed a little as she searched for a more delicate term. "Smooch...him? Th-that's...There's no way I could...!" she yelped, her face practically catching fire.

Her spiciest thoughts about Rex had amounted to intrusive whispers in the darkest corners of her mind, taunting her with how nice it might be to hold his hand. Possibly even  _in public._ And even  _those_ thoughts were a little over the line for her, since Rex was, of course, just her nice new friend and  _absolutely nothing more,_ and holding hands with your nice new friend seemed like a little bit of a faux pas. Needless to say, anything even approaching kissing was...far,  _far_ out of the question for her right now.

"Oh  _come on_ , Pandy, you can't just say 'make out' like that! Be a little more subtle about it! You've got to dress it up a bit, talk about...I dunno, their star-crossed destiny or something!" yelled Professor Von Genbu from somewhere behind the stage, the thud of some heavy-sounding objects hitting the ground punctuating his outburst. This must've been so important that he had, in fact, dropped everything to chip in on the matter.

Pandoria rolled her eyes and tilted her head towards the stage.

"Hey, I didn't have time to write  _another_ speech on top of all the other ones- you're  _welcome,_ by the way. So, the straightforward approach it is."

"I'm just saying, a little poetic license goes a long way!" Professor Von Genbu said, now poking his head out from behind the curtain.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she said dismissively, earning a pout and a swift retreat behind the curtain from her husband. With that dealt with, she turned back to Pyra. "So, whaddya say?

"Um, well...I'm not sure..." Pyra said shakily.

"C'mon, you like this guy, right?"

"Well, yes, but we're just-"

"So let me help you out!" Pandoria said, beaming encouragingly. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing here. I'm a romance expert. Just look at me and Zeke! We're a perfect couple."

Pyra chose to politely ignore the fact that this perfect couple had been arguing in front of her about ten seconds ago, since it gave Pandoria's offer something of an unfair hurdle to overcome from the start.

Granted, that still left the second, considerably higher hurdle of "my professor's wife, who I only just met, wants to help set me up with my new friend," which Pyra was less inclined to simply let Pandoria walk around. She didn't really know Rex all that well yet,  _certainly_ didn't know Pandoria well at all, and she was far from admitting in any meaningful capacity that she wanted to be anything other than Great Pals with Rex. Accepting Pandoria's bizarre offer would be ridiculous.

But he  _was_ cute. 

And she  _did_ like him.

And that small, treacherous part of her that was constantly chanting "you've got a crush on him" desperately wanted her to take any help she could get, because Lord knows she'd never manage to admit it to him under her own power.

Besides, Pandoria was giving her this very expectant look and leaning towards her a little and it was just so  _hard_ to say no to someone who was  _that_ eager.

Pyra took a sharp, deep breath. Some small, increasingly urgent part of her screamed that she was going to deeply regret what she was about to say, but the words were already spilling out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

"Well, I do, um...kind of...like him. A little bit."

"See, isn't honesty the best policy?" Pandoria smiled at her encouragingly. "Look, I know you're nervous, but don't worry about it! I know exactly how to win a guy's heart. Back in high school, I dunked on Zeke every single day for like, a month, and guess what? Head over heels. I wrote 'em all down and everything, for posterity. You want 'em, you can borrow a few of the juicier ones."

Pyra frowned at Pandoria's suggestion, her brow furrowed in worry.

"I don't want to be  _mean_ to him..."

"Oh boy. Pure, soft type, huh?" Pandoria deadpanned with obvious disappointment. "Eh, whatever. We'll make it work." She glanced towards the clock on the wall behind them, eyes widening at the time. "Anyway, you'd better get going. You've got classes to get to, right?"

Pyra nodded. "I have my culinary course up next."

Pandoria hissed, wincing a little. "Jin, huh? We better wrap this up 'til next time, huh? That guy gets  _weird_ about late students." She brought her hands together in a light clap. "Okay, so! I'm here pretty much every Wednesday. Got time to kill, y'know, may as well spice up Zeke's dumb lectures." She ignored a distant bark of protest from Professor Von Genbu. "I'll give you the goods then. Sound good?"

"I...suppose so, yes," Pyra replied, her face still set in a worried grimace. Pandoria grinned at her again.

"Aw, c'mon, don't be so nervous! When you see what me and the Prince of Doofuses back there cook up for you, you'll be glad you came to Pandoria Von Genbu's Love Academy!"

She waved a hand towards the lecture hall's door.

"Now run along, okay? I don't wanna have to go to a disciplinary hearing for keeping students out of their classes."

"Oh, um...alright then. Thank you for your help, Professor Pandoria," Pyra said, bowing her head slightly "But, if you don't mind...please, try not to suggest anything too, um...um..." She faltered, trying to find a phrase that would get her point across without being mortifying to say.

"No making out, gotcha."

Pyra's cheeks flushed red, but she still managed a small smile.

"Thank you," she repeated, before beginning to make her way up the stairs and towards the door.

"Don't mention it," Pandoria called out. "Have fun! Tell Jin sorry about eating his sandwich the other day!"

"Oh, um, sure."

Well, that certainly explained why Jin had been so firm on the importance of labelling any food you stored in a college refrigerator yesterday.

Pyra left the room and took a left, walking quickly to make sure she wasn't late.

Truth be told, she had no idea what to think about what had just happened. She'd just sort of...stumbled into having a Romantic Consultant. One who was clearly an accomplice to Professor Von Genbu's antics, no less.

Was that...a good idea? At all? Or had she just made a terrible mistake? What would  _Rex_ even say if he knew she'd agreed to let someone help...set her up with him? He'd probably think that was  _weird,_ right? She was willing to admit there was maybe a tiny part of her that was crushing on him  _ever so slightly-_ but it's not like  _he'd_ feel the same, right? What if she'd just gotten herself swept up into a huge mistake?

She sighed deeply, trying not to dwell on it.

At least she still had her dinner with him to look forward to. Regardless of anything else, that would be fun.

Just the two of them, all alone.

And Mythra would be there, too.

Well, she was sure Mythra would be quite happy to keep out of their way.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the pacing of this fic the last few chapters has gotten pretty out of hand, mostly cause what was originally a single chapter kind of turned into three huge chapters, so...yeah, hopefully expect future chapters to progress at a slightly better pace than this.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God what have I done more like. As always feel free to point out any problems in this hellpiece.


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